Heading for grief

A DIARY tale about a strand of material reminds Harry Shaw from Airdrie of a story told to him by Madge, the head barmaid at the local Double A boozer, back in the 1960s.

One of her favourite regulars was propped up at the bar having imbibed one (or two) too many.

Madge noticed he was about to lose his hanky, which was threatening to fall out his trouser pocket.

She kindly leaned over and gave it a firm tug.

“There was embarrassment all round,” says Harry, “when the bloke’s head banged off the bar. It had been his shirt tail sticking out a hole in his pocket.”


Vainglorious Vic

SHOPPING correspondent Bob Wallace from Pollokshields provides us with a valuable insight into the retail experience.

He says: “While in town on Saturday I noticed the huge window displays at the top of Buchanan Street and realised that Victoria is actually total mince at keeping a secret.”


On yer bike

THE Diary has been covering a certain cycling shindig that took place in Glasgow city centre, which proved hugely popular with locals.

Annette Christie from Helensburgh tells us her brother was on Hope Street, which was barricaded off to ensure the cyclists didn’t have to swerve round shoppers as part of an intricate obstacle course.

Once the wheely warriors had wended onwards, the barrier was opened and pedestrians were allowed to tread on the hallowed ground.

One wee Glasgow wummin showed her delight and appreciation for the sporting spectacle by trilling: “It’s a bloody disgrace!”

She then harrumphed and harangued along Hope Street, no doubt fervently hoping not to be waylaid by a stray pole-vaulting competition in another part of town.


More maritime musings

FORMER sailor Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie is telling us about maintenance procedures at sea.

Today he explains… the Float Test. 

“This is when a piece of replaced machinery is dumped over the side of the ship,” says Malcolm. “The rules of the Float Test state that if the machinery floats, then it was not wanted. But if it sinks, then it should have been retained on board.”


Food for thought

THE other day John Thornton’s smarty-pants eight-year-old son said: “If a man has red hair and works in a bakery doesn’t that mean he’s a ginger bread man?”


Top tippling tip

“I’VE cut down on my boozing,” says proud reader Jason Leslie. “Now I only have one whisky before going to bed. I went to bed seven times yesterday evening.”