Wine-ing on

JK Rowling has enjoyed an interesting and varied career.

The Edinburgh scribble-merchant has evolved from being a cuddly writer for the kiddywinks to her role as a social media matador, argy-barging on the internet and participating in numerous heated debates.

She’s now tackling her most controversial topic yet.

On Twitter, Rowling has galloped into battle against those reprehensible monsters… wine snobs.

“I simply do not care what people drink,” roars Rowling. “You want to drink hot chocolate with your soufflé? Enjoy. Irn Bru with your boeuf bourguignon? Lovely. The fuss people make about fermented grape juice is ridiculous.”

Mind your language

WE’RE discussing the niceties of polite discourse.

Richard Davis in Vienna recalls a conversation he overheard between two secretaries. One was 19 years of age, the other considerably older.

Said the youth to her more mature colleague: "Gies that stapler across, will you?"

The older secretary imperiously replied: “Is there not a word missing there?”

The younger woman happily conceded that, indeed, there was, for she said: "Oh aye… Gonna."


A READER, who quite understandably wants to remain anonymous, gets in touch to ask: “Are  you allowed to have flatulence on these zero-emissions buses? The answer, presumably, is blowing in the wind.”

Tourist trap

VISITING Barcelona, reader Debbie Brooker was enjoying a guided tour of the city.

At one point she noticed her group had entered a dank and dusty alleyway where the locals seemed a tad disreputable.

“Is this a bad part of town?” asked a nervous Debbie.

“I wouldn’t say that,” the tour guide replied in a reassuring manner.

“What I would say,” he added, slightly less reassuringly, “is this is the part of town where your plans for the day can change rather abruptly. And without any input from you.”

Sign up to get the legendary Herald Diary straight to your inbox.


IN an outrageously unprofessional manner, we’ve been making disparaging comments about our fellow newspaper hacks, those ruffians – sorry, upstanding ladies and gents - who work on the Daily Record.

Adding fuel to the fire, Diary correspondent Kenny Sim notes that we mentioned "Daily Record readers".

“Some might consider such a phrase a touch oxymoronic,” chuckles Kenny. 

(We’ll stop making snarky remarks about the Record rabble, now. Just in case we bump into one of their ilk in a dank and dusty Spanish alleyway…)

Hard to swallow

A TRAGIC tale of burgeoning hope ultimately curtailed by despair. Reader Joe Martin tells us: “My friend’s culinary business, Cooking With Spices, wasn’t successful. His bank finally called in the bay leaves.”