Harry’s past it

A YARN from the chalkface. Gordon Fisher from Stewarton says: “I asked one of my classes to write a reflective essay about something they had done for the first time. One girl wrote that her first concert (I believe they call them ‘gigs’ these days) was to see Harry Styles. She described the excitement of the build-up to the proceedings, and wrote that when the main man came on stage "mass history" broke out.”

Adds Gordon: “I wonder if she really was at the Harry gig, or if she'd mistakenly wandered into a Dan Snow, David Olusoga and Mary Beard triple book-signing.”

Love, factually?

STROLLING in Glasgow city centre last week, reader Jennifer Dodd spotted a lady with a bag that had a message emblazoned across the front, which read: "Everybody should like everybody".

Says Jennifer: “I wonder if this woman has ever met anybody from planet Earth? Because that’s not the way we roll.”

Nifty nicknames, continued

OUR readers are recalling people with memorable monikers. Ian Noble from Carstairs Village says: “I once knew a guy called Anthony from Lerwick, who naturally was always called Shetland Tony.”

Russian to judgment

IT’S that day of the year again, when a certain winter vegetable fears for its future, as rascal-faced youngsters hunt it down whilst brandishing kitchen knives.

Which is an admittedly roundabout and tenuous way to introduce the following Diary tale.

Bill Thompson from Lenzie notes that the Herald recently carried a report which included the headline: "Swede acquitted of spying on US for Russia."

Says a startled Bill: “Now that’s a turnip for the books.”

(Okay, we managed to squeeze in a Halloween-flavoured mention of turnips. Now let’s see if we can find an epic pumpkin narrative. Yup, here we go…)

Cinematic squishathon

MOVIE-LOVING Dan Lovegrove asks: “What's a pumpkin's favourite Quentin Tarantino flick?”

The answer is, of course… Pulp Fiction.

Cutting comment

THE birthday blues. Reader Gordon Ewing tells us that his best pal is exactly one week younger than him. Which isn’t a huge gap, though Gordon’s friend likes to boast about his relative youth.

When Gordon celebrated his 60th birthday last week, his pal texted him with the morbid message: “I’m still vivacious while your ancient carcass is ready for the vivisectionist.”

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Fairy tale flop

ANOTHER seasonal gag. And make the most of this one, folks. It’s all you’re getting until next Halloween…

Reader Nicola Munro asks: “Why was Cinderella terrible at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.”