How are you bearing up under the strain of the wall-to-wall football coverage? My favourite pundit so far is Roy Keane for ITV1, who comes across like a resting Tasmanian devil (cartoon version). While perfectly calm and well-behaved for the most part, you fear that any minute he could kick off and it will be carnage. I cannot wait.

Meanwhile, on the BBC (best backdrop by far), Gary Lineker was doing his best to be this generation’s Jimmy Hill. After watching an interview with the Scotland manager after the Germany gubbing, the programme cut back to the studio where Lineker deadpanned: “Well, you got enough of Steve Clarke's energy and enthusiasm there, haven't you?”

Stick to the day job flogging Next T-shirts and crisps, Gaz.

Whenever I see Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen I think what a shame it is that Carry On films are no longer being made. The man who jigsawed a television career out of MDF and saucy remarks would have made a perfect addition to the naff but nice crew of Kenneth Williams, Barbara Windsor and the like.

LLB’s latest gig is Outrageous Homes (Channel 4, Thursday), in which he meets homeowners who have gone above and beyond in interior design. Some have started from scratch, such as Billy from Cheshire who built himself a wild west ranch for £500, while others have taken on someone else’s fantasy.

Dawn and Derek bought the former home of Felix Dennis. The publishing magnate and party animal spent £5 million building a huge barn and stuffing it with all things pirate-themed.

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If the place had turned up in Scotland’s Home of the Year the judges would have required immediate sedation. But Dawn had taken it in her stride, keeping a fair bit of the Treasure Island stuff and adding her own touches and furniture.

As LLB found, the result actually worked, or at least it worked for Dawn, Derek, and their family. Others had been even more ambitious, like the chap who had turned his home into a “suburban Atlantis” complete with 11 giant tanks full of exotic fish and other sea creatures. Not sure about that one. Imagine watching Corrie one night and suddenly hearing a crack.

LLB was not a fan of everything. Some of the amateur designers had wandered over the line from collecting the odd piece to hoarding, but their obsessions were harmless enough. He got the most out of an eccentric bunch by taking their efforts seriously. As long as there was time to show off his expertise - he moved a rug three feet to cover a carpet stain and it worked, darn it - and room for banter, Laurence was happy. “So, Dawn,” he asked the pirate house lady, “where *do* you put your Christmas tree?” What a carry on.

There are three more episodes to go and as yet no Scottish homeowners have featured. That cannot be right.

The Stormtrooper ScandalThe Stormtrooper Scandal (Image: free)

One thing the collectors had in common was their love of a bargain. The punters caught up in The Stormtrooper Scandal (BBC1, Thursday) thought they too were on to a winner.

Each handed over £2k for the chance to get hold of a Star Wars helmet that might turn out to be decorated by a famous artist, and therefore worth something. Except the buyers would not in fact “get hold of” anything because the artworks only existed digitally. A something for nothing deal if ever there was one.

In charge of this non-sale of the century was Ben Moore, described by one acquaintance as a “posh boy chancer”. Moore set up the scheme, watched the money roll in, but then people began to smell eau de rat. Punters were furious, artists ditto, lawyers became involved and scary people turned up at Moore’s door demanding their money back.

Who would have thought the art world could be so dodgy? Anyone over the age of five probably. It was hard to feel that sorry for some of those who bought into the nonsense in the hope of getting rich quick, and difficult to stay interested over the needlessly long time it took to tell the story.

Fans of the hit mockumentary People Just Do Nothing would have felt right at home with Peacock (BBC3, Tuesday). Back for a second series, the gym-set sitcom is written by the guys behind People and features some of the same cast, led by Allan Mustafa in the title role. Andy Peacock is a personal trainer who has seen a gap in the fitness market for people with “non-traditional body shapes” (that’s you and me kiddo).

The joke, as in People, is that Andy thinks his class members are a sorry bunch but he is a bigger loser than any of them. Peacock is not a patch on People (still on iPlayer) for gags and sheer silliness. In normal, football-free, times it would struggle to get noticed, but some nice lines, Mustafa’s performance and a residual affection for People make Peacock worth a look.