The Rest is Football: F-bombs drop as Lineker goes global

While a cost-conscious BBC unveils a studio in Salford that makes it look as though the corporation has gone stateside, and other broadcasters scrabble down the back of a metaphorical sofa to send anyone abroad, Gary Lineker and The Rest is Football team are living every sports reporter’s dream. 

Lineker’s Goalhanger company has signed a reported 10 million dollars-plus deal with Netflix to supply a daily, hour-long visual podcast for the duration of the tournament. The first edition dropped at 6am this morning on Netflix. Naturally, The Herald’s woman in pyjamas was there to witness television history. 

One day, all football coverage could be like this, but with robots instead of humans. Come to think of it, repurposed tin cans might have been less creaky.

The Netflix cash has been splashed on a warehouse-style studio overlooking Times Square.  Decorated to resemble an apartment, the industrial chic vibe is Wall Street circa 1986, a vast man cave with sofas the size of cars and a kitchen island - or “bar”, as Gaz described it - that could seat 20. 

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Joining Lineker on the sofa(s) were former players Alan Shearer and Micah Richards. They were a tad spiky with each other at first in that older guy/younger man way, but they soon united in the face of a common target -  Lineker.  Teasing him for going on about his glory days at the World Cup, Shearer said: “You're not ******* relevant anymore, you're off the BBC, you're with Netflix.”

Lineker responded in kind. “The pair of you can **** off.”

He wouldn’t have got away with that on Match of the Day. But hey, he’s playing with the cool kids of global streamer Netflix now. There was one hangover from his BBC Days. He couldn't resist talking politics,  and in particular the visa problems and security hassles that some teams and fans were experiencing.  

Before long, it was back to the football - well, almost. Beaming in from Mexico City on the big telly was reporter Alex Aljoe. And what was Gary's first question to her? “I'm admiring your blouse, Alex. It's very similar to the one I'm wearing.”

Eh? Or as the kids at Netflix might say, WTF? First, no one has worn a “blouse” since Jimmy Carter was president. It was a blue and white pin stripe shirt with an embossed logo on the front. Not sure what the logo on Lineker’s meant, but “plonker” would have fitted the bill.  Richards then asked about tequila bars in Mexico. “Alex, you love a night out, don't you?” he said. Alex took it all in good humour.

We then came to the question Gary had been dying to ask from the start -  could England win the World Cup? “I don't think they're going to win it,” he said, “but I think they've got a chance.” He was trying to dial down the England fervour a little, but his heart wasn't in it. When Shearer said England might get to the semi-final, Lineker jumped in. “If you get to the semi-final, you can get to the final.” 

And what of Scotland? Well,  a whole two minutes before the end of the show, Lineker said: “Don't think we've forgotten the likes of Germany, Brazil and Scotland.”  Tomorrow, he promised, he would be joined by two special guests who played for Scotland in 1998. I’ve asked Netflix for their names.  

It was almost as if the lad Lineker knew that somewhere out there was a Scottish TV critic just waiting to slate him for ignoring us. Just when I thought it was all over, he nutmegged me.  And that, ladies and gentlemen,  is why Goalhanger has more than 250,000 subscribers and earnings in the millions, and I’m watching the World Cup from a (very small) sofa in Glasgow.