Jojo Macs
Glasgow
No lobster rolls, in fact no lobster available at all tonight, we’re told, which comes as a bit of surprise to me, after making the mistake of – d’uh – reading the pre-trial publicity for this place.
I kinda also read, or thought I did, that prices would be at some sort of cost-of-living-busting special rates. But I’m seeing burgers now from £11 and rising fast, with fries costing extra at £3 more minimum, and that certainly knocks this fat food critic’s angle on the head.
I feel a gigantic sigh settling in. At least it’s quite busy in here at 7.45pm on a Tuesday night in late August as this summer’s trademark drizzle settles upon yet another grey day.
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Out there the town is mobbed. On the walk down Union Street later it will be like crazy old Glasvegas again. Cops everywhere, steamers passed out on the pavements, polis wagons with doors open, and everyone still dressing like they genuinely believe they’re in Ibiza.
Party-on dudes.
Is it just me though or does Glasgow city centre not look a tad tired and dog-eared these days?
It’s hard, incidentally, when passing through it to avoid those 21st-century rocket ships, also known as electric-powered cyclists, carving through everything at incredible speeds with home-delivery foods. Is there a link between people eating at home and the city centre’s loss of retail sparkle, I wonder? Answers on that postcard.
From where we’re sitting, here through the back of Jojo Macs, we can’t really see much kitchen action. Is the home-delivery market what they’re aiming for here?
I’m struggling to work out tonight where the buzz is supposed to be in a new lobster and burger grill place – with no lobster – long after the burger bubble has burst. And ironically on the former site of a burger joint that once helped kick-start that very bubble and has itself moved on?
OK. You’ll be wanting to know what the food’s like. Because burst bubble or not, few things beat a good burger.
We start the meal rolling then with chicken wings at £6.25. They’re fine, the Jojo sauce tastes very like a commercial hot sauce that used to be widely available and one I really like. High-five.
These Southern style cauliflower bites come with the same sauce, are simply breaded cauliflower, possibly out of a packet and as easy to produce as deep-fried food gets. They’re also OK.
We order mac ’n’ cheese as a side (£4.95) and after an “is-it-on-is-it-off-tonight” debate between the pleasant young waitress and the kitchen, it turns out to be on. And a huge dish, a genuinely large portion, of frankly very poor, claggy, bland mac ’n’cheese arrives. If they changed their minds and pulled that out the fridge at the last minute they would have been wiser leaving it there.
So far, I’m seeing absolutely zero of the exciting and unique selling points I had been somehow led to believe were to be found here.
Moving on: garlic mayo, chives and parmesan fries also come in a decent portion. Thin, standard commercial fries with the usual sprinkled toppings, you’ll have seen everywhere these days. At £3.95 and given the portion size – fair pricing.
The burgers though? The signature cheeseburger is £10.95 and arrives on a bun that seems steamed, is certainly perky, and is maybe better than average. The burger itself is pink in the middle, but texture is a bit firm and the flavour just OK. Are you detecting a theme here?
Curiosity prompted the ordering of the cheese melt brisket burger at, whoosh, £14.95. To me, on examination, this is the same as the £10.95 cheeseburger but with some slices of brisket squeezed in on top. Frankly? We don’t really enjoy the different textures and that bun soon starts to tear.
Overall? The curious thing is that the people said to be behind this venture are also the owners of Old Salty’s in the city’s west end. Now, when that was in Tradeston (it’s now in Byres Road), it was a slick, interesting operation. This though?
Tonight anyway it seems disappointingly ordinary.
Jojo Macs
104 St Vincent Street
Glasgow
Opening hours: 11.30am til late, seven days.
Menu: Lobster and lobster rolls from the grill (unpriced), burgers too plus the usual fryer fads of cauli bites and chicken wings, and topped fries. No lobster when we were in. 3/5
Service: Pleasant, helpful waitress. 5/5
Price: I had read the publicity and expected crisis-busting prices, but these seem the same as everyone else’s. 3/5
Atmosphere: Big windowed corner unit in the heart of the city, the most interesting stuff is taking place outside on the streets. Otherwise OK inside. 3/5
Food: On a Tuesday night, not sure what makes this place any different from any other burger, fries, yadayada place on planet food. None of the promised lobster available. Burgers perhaps slightly better than average. 6/10
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