Licked it
THE great weather continues. Jim Nolan in Strachur took his labrador Rory to the Ettrick Bay Tearoom on Bute, which is so dog-friendly it sells little cartons of specially-made ice cream for dogs. Said Jim: "It came in a small carton, and poor Rory could hardly get his tongue in it. I tried to squeeze the tub a little, but squeezed too much and all the ice cream plopped into his mouth. He swallowed it without tasting it as labradors do and then jumped up into the estate car yelping and jumping around. To our relief it was an ice-cream headache. We sympathised and gave him a Bonio and it all ended happily." Any other sunny weather stories?
Crystal clear
WORK started yesterday on turning the large overgrown and disused graving dock at Govan into a film set for a First World War film produced by Steven Spielberg. Graving was when they put wooden ships in dry dock and covered the keels in pitch. The council still cannot decide the future of the empty docks. As former director of planning Steven Inch once recalled: "The sculptor George Wylie came in to our office to present his vision for a crystal ship in the dock. He pulled a matchbox out of his pocket, emptied out a tiny plastic model, and sat it on two bent paperclips. 'Now just imagine what this would look like if it was seven storeys high' said George – and by the time he finished two hours later, you could! Alas it was too radical for its time – but maybe we need a bit of radical to cheer us all up."
Snookered
SOMETIMES the Christian message is forgotten at Easter. As Glenny Rodge put it: "And the Lord did came upon them and proclaimed, 'On this day henceforth, the tellers at the bank shalt have a day off and there shall be much snooker upon the telly'. And so it did come to pass."
Read more: Bedroom secret; Abbott's Choice; Mean streets
Toilet humour
GOODNESS, we read it is 50 years since Concorde first flew – time flies, which is more than you can say for Concorde these days. We liked the story about comedian Bob Hope's first trip on the sleek plane which was admittedly a little on the cramped side. He took one look at the little toilet and told the stewardess: "You really have to decide what you're gonna do before going into one of these. Either reverse in, or forward, for us guys."
Catastrophe
WELL we mentioned dogs, how about cats? Insurance company Aviva was recalling some of its strange claims last year and said: "A cat snuck into a customer’s car as he was unloading groceries. Later, noticing his hazards were on, the customer went outside to see the cat in his car. The cat was trying to escape by clawing at the roof. The customer let the cat out and we paid the claim for interior damage. The cat was fine."
Having a laugh
POLITICS, and Ukraine has elected comedian Volodymyr Zelensky as president. Have a look at his picture, is it just me or does he not look like Labour's former Paisley MP Douglas Alexander? Anyway as stand-up Omid Djalili commented: "Finally. A president who admits he's a comedian from the beginning."
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