Hot gossip

SUMMER’S here… at last. After a few dreich months, when the rain reigned, weather forecasters are predicting the hottest Indian summer for a century. So let’s get those BBQs and cocktail shakers ready for action. Though knowing the local climate (and the prediction record of forecasters) maybe we should all take precautionary measures and purchase extra-large cocktail umbrellas that double as traditional brollies when Indian summer turns to wigwam washout.

Driven to despair

THE latest movie in the Fast and the Furious franchise is filming in Edinburgh. Reader, Derek Bruce, from the city, finds the location choice ironic. “If they want to reference the pleasures of driving in Edinburgh, they should call the new movie: The Gridlocked and the Exasperated,” he grumps.

Shoe ballyhoo

ATTENDING a film premiere this week, Daniel Craig arrived suited, though not quite booted. The current James Bond’s feet were encased in the sort of flimsy plimsoles teenagers wear when they fancy a bit of aimless street loitering. For shame, Daniel. When the mighty Sean Connery played 007, Bond was a proper adult who enjoyed grown-up pursuits like wearing a bowtie, making inappropriate jokes to women and gambling away his money in casinos. Actually, perhaps Daniel’s trainers aren’t so bad…

Scot or not?

CELEBRITY fact of the day. Actress Sharon Stone has a strong Scottish connection. (OK, it’s a tenuous, gossamer-thin connection. But we take what we can get in Diary corner.) It turns out that the young Sharon studied at Edinboro University. Which is almost like saying she studied at Edinburgh University, give or take a consonant or two. Edinboro’s in Pennsylvania in the US of A, though it’s named after the Scottish capital. They host an annual Highland Games and the college mascot is a gingery fella in a kilt. Meaning Sharon’s a bona fide Braveheart! (Kind of.) Surely there’s a few more mega-stars with ridiculously diaphanous links to Scotland. Perhaps Julia Roberts was once spotted chugging Irn-Bru. Or did Johnny Depp get his latest tattoo in a Johnstone ink parlour? Time to slap a sneaky saltire on a few unsuspecting celebs, me thinks…

Horsing around

GROWING old continued. Reader Hannah Greenhorn from Clydebank was babysitting her two grandchildren when she suggested watching a cowboy movie on TV. “What are cowboys?” enquired grandsprog number 1. “They’re like gangster-rappers,” sprog 2 replied helpfully. “Y’know, they talk tough and wave guns around. The only difference is cowboys ride horses instead of drinking champagne in the back of limos.”

Feeling spent

Economic query of the day: “Does the queen ever study a freshly minted five pence piece,” muses Tom Ferguson from Shettleston, “Then say to herself: ‘Ooft, I’ve let myself go?’”

Crime time

CHAOS reigns. Tory attacks Tory. Labour ties itself in knots. Parliament’s not fit for purpose. And even worse… reader Ted Archibald spotted a woman in his local supermarket nabbing a plastic carrier bag, even though she indicated on her self-service till that she didn’t want to purchase one. “She probably did it because of Brexit,” sighs Tony. “I’m not sure how. But everything’s Brexit, nowadays. Isn’t it?”