The sweater sweats

POOR James McAvoy. The Glasgow actor has a starring role in the BBC adaptation of Philip Pullman’s fantasy novel trilogy, His Dark Materials, which starts this Sunday. McAvoy, a fan of the books, prepared to enjoy himself. Instead he was jinxed by a jumper. The first day’s filming was meant to take place in the North Pole, though was actually recorded in Wales during a heatwave. “And I’m dressed for the Arctic in many layers of wool,” sighs James. “Then I decided to make the ridiculous choice of tucking in my jumper. It was an absolute nightmare.”

Democracy delayed

BREXIT. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. (If you work on the Diary, that is. For everyone else it’s a pain in the ballot box.) David Miller tells us a tale which perfectly encapsulates the spirit of the times. Two grannies are sitting on a park bench. Says granny number one: “I see they’ve delayed Brexit again. Do you think they’ll have a second referendum?” The other granny replies: “I hope so. I was too young to vote in the first one.”

Sucks at baking

BEHAVING in an inappropriate manner while in possession of sugared almonds, should this be deemed a criminal act? We only ask because such wicked and barbaric behaviour appears to be on the increase. We recently reported one heinous crime of this nature. Now author Deedee Cuddihy tells us she stumbled across a similar case researching her book Scottish Sweetie Addicts and Chocoholic’. Said one contributor to Deedee: “There’s a story told in our family about one of our aunties, now dead, who, when given some sugared almonds as a gift, sucked the sugar coating off them and used the almonds for the top of a Dundee cake she was making.” It’s a pity the old lady’s no longer with us. She’d have gone down a storm on The Great British Bake Off.

Speech defect

OUR story about an embarrassing linguistic faux pas at a wedding reminds reader Norman Brown from Barassie of a groom who, in his speech, thanked the parents of the bride for their wonderful gift of a “perky copulator”.

Loch Ness Monster

WHAT diabolical train of thought have we let loose? Our placid conversation about showbiz types with a tenuous link to Scotland has morphed into something more sinister, and we now find ourselves discussing Nazis with a Celtic connection. Alan Potter from Paisley says our reference to Joseph "Gorbals" helps explain one of the enduring mysteries of the Second World War. It now becomes clear that the pilot who, in 1941, crashed his aircraft near Eaglesham was simply seeking his Scottish roots. We’re referring to Rudolf Ness, of course.

Read more: Bog awful; Lotto means lesso; Wedding word whoopsie