Hero time

GLASGOW’S Sauchiehall Street may look like your average city-centre shopping thoroughfare. But in reality it’s a trench, where opposing combatants grind out a war of attrition. For example, there’s an ongoing literary battle between Waterstones bookstore on one side of the street and the Forbidden Planet comic shop on the other.

Matters were brought to a head last Friday when Forbidden Planet closed for the day due to the severe weather conditions. Waterstones defiantly stayed open, resulting in one bookseller openly mocking her rivals from across the way.

“They must have had their big girl pants on,” she was overheard to say, before adding with a wry chuckle: “I guess the only superheroes in Forbidden Planet are the ones on the shelves.”

Sound advice

THE adult children of Ian Johnstone from Peterhead have been trying to persuade dad that he needs a hearing aid. So far their entreaties have fallen on deaf ears. (In a manner of speaking.)

But their arguments were recently backed-up by hard (of hearing) evidence. Ian’s son was moaning on the phone about a noisy elderly neighbour, who he complained would soon be outdoors making a din with his Zimmer.

This confused Ian. Did the Zimmer frame have bells and cymbals attached, he wondered. Or perhaps it was wired-up to one of those 1980s style ghetto blasters, and was blaring out loud hip-hop music. Neither of these exotic scenarios transpired to be the case.

"I said strimmer!" Ian’s son eventually yelled down the phone in exasperation, then proceeded to give dad another lecture about getting his ears tested.

Pointed comment

A GLASGOW reader was in town when he overheard what he claims must be the most Scottish statement ever uttered. Said one chap to another: “D’you know Alex? Well he’s enjoying the good life… up to a point.”

Teacher training

TEACHING is a tricky job. One long-standing member of the profession recalls the best advice she ever received, which was given to her when she was a young and eager trainee. Another teacher (not so young, not so eager) took her aside one day and said: “The most important thing you have to remember is this: never get between a child and the classroom door.”

Hateful eight

A RECENT numbers-based joke in the Diary inspires Roderick Archibald Young to have a go at one-upmanship. The ambitious fella not only provides us with a gag about numeracy, but also slips in a foreign language reference too. “I've heard that quite a few people in France struggle with the number eight,” he reveals. “It must be due to their 'huit' intolerance.”

Belting idea

WITH nothing to do, reader Colin Brown decided to attach his watches together to make a belt. It didn’t prove to be a particularly satisfying way of occupying himself. “It was a waist of time,” he sighs.

Read more: Prince Charles in Scotland, 1968 and 1971