Laughable list

YESTERDAY we ran a story proving that the messages academics scrawl on walls can be just as smart as anything they write on a blackboard. Nicola Barker from Edinburgh recently noticed a fine example of giggleworthy graffiti enhancing the brickwork of her local Uni, which we now quote in full...

“Things I hate: 1. Vandalism. 2. Lists. 3. Irony. 4. Lists. 5. Repetition. F. Inconsistency.”

Trend setting sizzle

THE Diary has always been a keen student of human behaviour as it pertains to those tres trendy types located in Glasgow’s west end. Knowing this to be the case, reader Kevin Lawrence decides to quiz us on our knowledge by posing the question: “How did the hipster burn his tongue?” The answer is easy-peasy, of course. “He sipped his coffee before it was cool.”

Not so X-cellent

WACKY businessman Elon Musk wants to call his baby X AE A-12. We commend him on originality, though Gavin Ballard believes the name would never catch on in Scotland. Our reader invites us to imagine a mother yelling from her front door of an evening: “Get in right noo, X AE A-12, yer tea’s oot!”

Gavin adds: “It just doesn’t have the emphatic crispness of shouting for Dave, Wullie or Boab, does it?”

Dumb logic

“ONLY idiots never change their minds,” says reader Steve Ferry, who adds: “At least that’s what I’ve always believed.”

Name game continued

MORE fun with nifty names. Like Elon, we’ve been coming up with memorable monikers for parents to call their kids. Russell Smith from Kilbirnie suggests a child of the rapscallion variety could be called ‘Kog’. But how did Russell devise such a distinctive name?

“No, it’s not a Greek island,” he says. “It’s from: Keep off the Grass.”

Presumably Kog is the male version of the name. Does this mean a little miss would be known as Kogette?

Eggsact amount

AS a dutiful grandson Roderick Archibald Young would pop down to the shops for his gran when required. One day she asked for some milk, and if he saw eggs, pick six up. When he returned with six bottles of milk she snipped: "What are you playing at?"

To which he responded: "Well, I saw eggs…"

Mixed up moon

MORE misheard lyrics. Jessie Cafferty’s brother-in-law used to sing the words “under the lunar bug” for Showaddywaddy’s Under the Moon of Love. “He didn’t like the song as much when he knew the proper words,” adds Jessie.

Be-spoke in the wheel

QUIZ time. “What’s the difference between a poorly dressed bloke on a bicycle and a well-dressed bloke on a tricycle?” asks Christopher Fitzgerald. The answer is: Attire.