Lionel flair
TENNIS player Sir Andy Murray recently suggested, a tad facetiously, that Lionel Messi was about to join Hibs. Reader Alex Russell argues that the idea of him joining a Scottish team isn’t ridiculous. Here’s his reasons why the move might be on.
1) Messi’s a toaty fella, often bullied and booted by larger players. Scotland’s the land of Strachan and Sturgeon, where wee lads and wee lassies rule supreme and are never given a booting. (Even when they deserve one.)
2) Messi’s beard is ginger. A hair colour invented, perfected and promoted around the world by Scots. His chin, at least, would feel at home.
3) Messi would love the quality of Scottish football because…. Um, we seem to have run out of space. Guess you’ll have to take our word on this one.
Boudoir badinage
SCOTTISH crime writer Douglas Skelton had an energetic weekend. “There’s nothing like bedroom action on a Sunday,” he reveals. “Fastenings were loosened. There was grunting and sweating. There was some taking the Lord’s name in vain. I’m not ashamed to say there were tears of joy. But that’s the duvet changed for a wee while.”
Banned-ana
COMEDIAN David Callaghan has discovered why Glasgow barmen are adored the world over: their highly attuned ability to spot a pretentious git at 20 paces. He recalls once entering a Glesga watering-hole along with an American. The American insisted on wearing a bandana. “As we came through the door the barman pointed at the bandana and said 'No',” says David. “We had to leave.”
With misty-eyed approval, he adds: “Love this city.”
Nailed it
IN Ayr recently, Gordon Casely spotted a nail bar offering customers the opportunity to be attended to by "qualified trainees". A curious phrase which presumably means workers are highly experienced at being inexperienced.
Train of thought
THE vice-president of Glasgow Uni’s Tory Party, Joseph Holland, was on an Edinburgh train that halted due to a swan on the track. “If that isn’t the most British thing ever, I don’t know what is,” says Joseph patriotically.
Though surely much more British would be a train halting because of a bulldog on the track? (Wearing a Union Jack bowler hat, of course.)
Kidulthood
READER David Donaldson had a small family gathering that was made particularly memorable as David had to listen to his own children complain about how awful the youngsters of today are.
Hard to swallow
VISITING a doctor because of his crippling fear of palindromes wasn’t a good idea, admits Danny Bruce: “The swine put me on Xanax.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here