Language barrier

WITH Scotland playing Israel at footy this evening the Diary is doing its bit for international relations by translating into Scots some Hebrew phrases that might be yelled by Israeli fans during the match.

Ezo beita gruah = Wit a howler.

Eze gol nifla = Wit a screamer.

Ze zman lchacnot et haotubus = It’s time tae park ra bus.

Ata tzarich mishcafaeem shofet = Get a pair o’ specs, ref.

We were also going to translate the exasperated groan and the clenched fist, shaken in fury. Though our extensive linguistic research has revealed that such outpourings of grief form part of an international language common to all footballing nations.

Sassy celebration

THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of Eddie Van Halen, one of the finest fretboard finger fiddlers to play rock guitar. We recall when Eddie’s band, Van Halen, played Aberdeen’s Capitol in 1978, and learned their first album had been awarded gold status in the US.

The rockers celebrated in subdued fashion, sipping tap water and toddling off to bed early.

We jest, of course.

Eddie and chums marked the occasion with a ceremonial trashing of their hotel room and were then escorted from the premises by police.

Rock n’ roll. It’s a hard life, but somebody’s got to do it.

Shaky ...

GABBING with gran - Chapter 1: Jenny Harvey was chatting on the phone to her granddaughter, who’s studying drama in London. The young thespian is currently focusing on Shakespeare’s plays, which prompted gran to ask: “Are you doing Two Gentlemen of Corona?”

Our embarrassed reader adds: “My granddaughter thought I was joking. In reality it was one of those senior moments.”

Mist opportunity

WE continue collecting words for our updated dictionary. Russell Smith from Kilbirnie suggests: Bigamist (n). A very thick fog.

Moving music

CULTURE is important to reader Terry Godfrey. “I got my love of music from my dad, who was a conductor,” he explains. “He always listened to the radio on his bus.”

'Mon the hoops

GABBING with gran, Chapter 2: Reader Meg Curran’s grandson is one of those iconoclastic teenagers, constantly questioning the ways of the world. When he spotted the bread bin in Meg’s kitchen he muttered seditiously: “How come it’s only bread that gets a bin? What about one for your beans and spaghetti hoops? Y’know, a tin bin.”

Time for change

“THE clocks go back soon,” points out reader Scott Anderson, who adds: “Not sure how far back. But seven months would do.”

Read more: Those were the days