Fight night
WATCHING televised wrestling is reader Jack McKinley’s passion. Unfortunately his wife isn’t particularly supportive of hubby’s hobby, though he recently assumed he had made a convert of her when she leapt from her chair and started whooping and hollering during a particularly intense battle.
Jack was disappointed when his wife afterwards explained: “If those blokes on telly can pretend they’re having a real fight, I can pretend to care.”
The kindly ones
NICOLA Sturgeon has asked youngsters to come up with a picture representing kindness to use for her Christmas card this year. As the Diary has never joined the mature adult world, we’ve decided to submit some ideas of our own.
Reader Clive Marr would like Nicola to use a heart-warming image from the past weekend, when affectionate Celtic fans congregated at Parkhead to show their eternal gratitude towards Neil Lennon, whose sterling work helped the team bag 11 trophies in four years.
“As a Celtic fan myself, I should point out that we have our own special way of showing our appreciation for iconic figures such as Lennon,” says Clive. “It involves the frothing of the mouth, the shaking of a fist, and a few choice Anglo-Saxon epithets screeched in a warm and gracious manner.”
Silly sausage comic
WE’RE not entirely sure we believe Perth-born comedian Joe Heenan, who fondly recalls yesterday’s patriotic celebration of St Andrew’s Day at his house.
He says: “The kids got up early and ran downstairs to find the sporrans hung on the fireplace filled with cans of Tennent's, packets of fags and square sausage.”
Forceful fella
STAR Wars fan Malcolm Boyd was sad to hear of the death of David Prowse, that towering chap who played lightsaber-brandishing bad guy Darth Vader.
Our reader adds: “I remember hearing that Darth Vader liked to spoil Luke Skywalker's Christmas fun by telling him that he had “felt his presents”.
Timely tunes
MORE Christmas songs to suit modern sensibilities. David Donaldson suggests carol singers should belt out the words: "I saw three folk who didn't comply."
Cordial greetings
ON Christmas Eve John Mulholland usually leaves a glass of Irish liqueur under the tree for Santa, along with the obligatory mince pie and carrot for Rudolph. As this is a rather unusual festive season, our reader will be adapting old habits. “This year we’ll be leaving Santa Tizer,” he explains.
Fiscally flummoxed
IT’S been a rough financial year for reader Tom Stevens. “I’m so poor my only funds are daylight savings from the summer,” he sighs.
Read more: Why Outlander star Grant O'Rourke was cross with a lollipop lady
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