Colourful comment

SCOTLAND is in need of a hefty bottle of Head & Shoulders as the crusty scalp of our landscape has been enveloped in what appears to be a dusting of dandruff.

The reaction to the situation has been mixed.

Grumpy grown-ups gurn: “Aw naw, snaw!” Thrilled children trill: “Aw braw, snaw!”

And Tommy Millard from East Kilbride gets in touch to ask why the Met Office uses a yellow warning to report the onset of snow and ice.

“Snow is white, after all,” argues our reader. “It only becomes yellow once I’ve taken my dog for a walk.”

Drug of choice

THE news about a Covid-19 vaccine is encouraging, though not everyone is thrilled. Comedian Janey Godley reveals she is friends on social media with a fellow she first came across when she ran a Glasgow pub. This chap is unhappy about taking a vaccine as he’s unsure what it contains.

Janey adds: “This is the same guy who used to buy ecstasy pills off a one-eyed guy called Ganja Gary.”

Thistle be the way

UNLIKE Janey’s chum, Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie is enthusiastic about the vaccine, and is keen to hear more news about it. “Does this mean that everyone in Glasgow has to go to Firhill for their Jags?” he enquires.

Valuable volume

THE little black book that footballer and legendary lothario George Best used to record the names and numbers of his many lovers has sold at auction for £1,500.

Stevie Campbell from Hamilton tells us he started his own little black book in 1976, when he was sixteen.

“I wonder if it’s worth even more than George’s,” says our reader. “It’s in absolutely pristine condition with only one entry. The Hamilton Samaritans phone number.”

Bookish bloke

BORIS Johnson’s period of self-isolation is over and he’s back in Parliament. While he was shielding Lindsay Young noticed he had a government logo as the backdrop for his Zoom calls instead of the usual bookshelves used by most people.

Our reader asks: “Was this because Boris was worried he might be challenged about how many of his books he’s actually completed? There are probably loads he’s never finished colouring in.”

Compressed Crimbo

MORE festive lyrics adapted to suit modern sensibilities. Reader Steven Lawrie suggests retitling a classic hymn as The Five Days of Christmas.

Life sucks

SOME philosophical musings about the fluid nature of identity from reader Andrew Harris, who says: “When you clean out your vacuum cleaner you become a vacuum cleaner.”