Stripped for action
OUR correspondents are recalling those awkward moments when communication turns into miscommunication.
Margery Dobson often stops to chat to fellow dog walkers, some of whom are runners.
She was once ambling across a field when she was greeted by a man, wrapped up against the cold, strolling with a friend. It took Margery a moment to recognise him as one of the chaps who usually went jogging.
Without thinking, she said: "Oh, hello. I didn't recognise you with your clothes on."
The fellow raised his finger to his lips and hissed: "Shhh! it's a secret."
“I’m about twice his age,” chuckles Margaret. “You should have seen his friend’s face.”
Spirited fellow
ANOTHER nifty nickname. One of reader George Dale's plumbing employees was known as the White Spirit. This fellow had a reputation for overcharging on "homers" (work undertaken outside regular hours for extra dosh).
Because of this he became known as the White Spirit. The logic being that he was a bit of a Dick Turpin. Which sounds rather like turpentine. Which is, of course… a white spirit.
Cop shop caper
ONE of the legal services on offer is a "police station visit", where a lawyer agrees to meet a prospective client detained by the Boys in Blue.
An elderly lady once phoned solicitor Matthew Berlow’s firm, requesting such a visit.
As Matthew was in the process of inquiring what heinous crime the old woman was accused of committing – running amok with a knitting needle, perhaps? – she interrupted him.
“No, no,” she said. “It’s for my wee grandson. He’s always wanted to see what goes on inside a police station, so he wants one of your police station visits.”
Piercing inquiry
CURIOUS reader Bert Marshall asks: “Once everybody in the UK has been injected, will be a vacci nation?”
Tall tale
WE recently pointed out that our correspondents are adventurous types who would have gladly left home and hearth to participate in the California Gold Rush.
Alas, the only gold rush in modern times takes place during a bargain sale of trinkets in Glasgow’s Argyll Arcade. Meaning our frustrated readers are sometimes forced to stretch the truth a tad when telling ripping yarns.
For example, Gordon Casely informs us: “I once met Peter Pan’s brother, Algy.”
Opposite view
THE ambition of cultured reader Colin Hodges is to build an Oxymoron Museum. “I’d have a virtual reality exhibition and a civil war room,” explains Colin.
Irritating images
“WORDS can’t express how much I hate emojis,” grumbles reader Bob Arnold.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here