Court out

GLASGOW lawyer Matthew Berlow tells us of a chap who discovered he had been picked for jury duty. The fellow explained to the legal authorities that he couldn’t accept this important public responsibility as he had already sat on a jury sometime before.

Later he was thinking about his time in court and realised how strange it had been, with famous faces galore and TV cameras pointing in every direction.

“It transpired that his memory was confused,” explains Matthew. “The jury he sat on was when he played an extra in a court scene of the soap opera River City.”

Footy fairness

EARLIER this week Manchester City reached the Champions League final. Everybody in Scotland is delighted for the English team, with our generous footy fans showing no sense of grievance at a lack of tartan talent in the top echelons of the game.

Dundonian sports broadcaster Jim Spence underlines how grudge-free our nation is when he says of Man City’s impressive achievement: “An inspiration for every club with only a few billion to spend.”

Super… or so-so?

STUDIES sent to the media invariably relate to very serious subjects. For example, the Diary has been contacted about a survey which claims to have discovered the world’s favourite superheroes.

Spider-Man and Batman top the hero heap, followed by similarly buff boys and girls, all belligerently American.

The Diary demands to know why no Scottish hero made the cut.

Where was Likesadramofwhisky-Man?

Or Huddinanumbrellacosit’sfairploochindoonootside-Woman?

Their exclusion should outrage every honourable person who supports truth, justice and the Scottish way.

Crime time

The next season of TV show Line of Duty will be filmed in Scotland, claims reader Lindsay Young, who adds that we will then discover that the mysterious H was in Stepps all along.

Bird-brained idea?

FOLKS at the Tower of London are looking for a name for their new baby corvid, notes reader David Donaldson. Though they are only allowing people to vote from a selection of predictable names.

“Which is a pity,” says David. “This would be a great opportunity to remind the world of British eccentricity by calling the bird ‘Raven Loony’ after the famous political party.”

Food for thought

A DIARY discussion about the talents of the early bird inspires reader Brian Chrystal to point out: “The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.”

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