A TRAGIC tale of hard times and deprivation on the mean streets of Glasgow’s west end, from David Donaldson. 

Our reader recalls that long ago, when children played outside all day, a neighbour with a large deep freeze bought a side of venison. One evening David overheard the following exchange…

“Come in, Torquil. Dinner’s ready.”

“What are we having?”


“Oh no! Not deer AGAIN!”

Hard to swallow

WHILE we’re on the subject of the demands of the carnivorous diet, reader Henry Murray points out: “When you choke on a piece of meat, it’s that animal’s last chance at revenge.”

Wedded to sport

IT’S no idle boast when we say the Diary supplies its lucky readers with the kind of top quality sports journalism you won’t find anywhere else.

For example, we can exclusively reveal that a bunch of Scottish footy stars had a kickabout with their English counterparts last Friday (Details remain sketchy as to the precise location of the game. Though our contacts on the ground are hazarding a guess that it may have taken place in the London district of Wembley).

Meanwhile, reader Robin Gilmour informs us his wife is threatening to leave him because of his obsession with the beautiful game.

“I’m gutted,” sighs Robin. “After all, we’ve been together seven seasons.”

Keen on lean

IT would seem the Glaswegian broadcaster Paul Coia caught wind of the Wembley kickabout mentioned in the above tale. For he reveals he watched the sporting spectacle with his English wife, Debbie, whose verdict on the match was: “The blue strip is nicer. It’s more slimming.”

Birdbrained bobby

A YOUNG policeman in Greenock once wrote up a report regarding the disappearance of what he described as "homeing" pigeons, recalls reader Peter Mackay.

Having checked the paperwork, the youngster’s sergeant called him over to explain there is no ‘e’ in homing. The bobby replied, “Oh? Well there’s no f in pigeons, either. They’ve been stolen.”

Jaws of despair

A TOOTHY tale. Reader Sharon Rose’s husband had one of his few remaining teeth yanked by the dentist.

Sharon’s young granddaughter tried to make grandpa feel better about his loss by telling him that at least he had a visit from the Tooth Fairy to look forward to.

“If the Tooth Fairy doled out dosh for every tooth I’m missing,” grumbled gramps, “he’d have gone into administration by now.”

Sound advice

“Light travels faster than sound,” points out reader Roberta Ward. “That’s why some people appear bright before you hear them speak.”