Jones Town

EAGLE-EYED denizens of Glasgow may have noticed that the Dear Green Place is in the throws of an identity crisis and has turned itself into the Dear Red, White And Blue Place. America’s national flag has been draped over numerous buildings in the town centre.

But not to worry. It’s all for a good cause.

Money.

And Hollywood money at that.

The latest Indiana Jones flick is filming scenes in Glasgow, which we presume is being used as a stand-in for an American city.

With its Glesga flavour, the Diary is curious to know what the completed movie will be called.

Reader Gavin Benson suggests, rather unfairly, we think: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth.

Play away

WE hear that in East Kilbride parents continue to be outraged that South Lanarkshire Council removed, without warning, a playpark situated in Hazelhead Park, citing the problem of vandalism as the reason.

The Diary is no expert on weighty council matters, though we do wonder if it might have been more beneficial to the local children to have removed the vandals while leaving the playpark alone.

Face facts

QUESTION of the day from reader Jay, from Ayr, who asks: “Do naturists have to wear face masks?”

The Diary believes they do, for we certainly haven’t seen any naturists without face masks on trains and buses.

Though we should probably add that we also haven’t seen any naturists on trains and buses.

Perhaps we just haven’t been looking hard enough.

Stripped for action

WHILE we’re on the theme of rampant nudity... A Diary tale about a streaker reminds David Miller from Milngavie of the chap who pranced across a fairway, sans clothing, during a golf tournament.

The late commentator Peter Alliss, famed as a witty wag, said of the wicked wagger: "What a lot of fuss about a little thing like that."

Gutsy performance

THE Scottish footy team evicted from the Euros. Murray walloped at Wimbledon. And our nation awakes from its pleasant slumber of a summer of sporting excellence. Though the Diary continues to take an interest in energetic activities, courtesy of reader Gordon Wright, who tells us the following tale:

Two cats are looking in a sport shop window. One says to the other: “My brother's in that racket.”

Weedy woes

“MY secret is that I’m addicted to seaweed,” says reader Eleanor Briggs. “I need kelp.”

Fuzzy food

GETTING old: the facts. Reader Alfred Green says: “I’m at that age when I can only enjoy Alphabetti Spaghetti with my reading glasses on.”

Read more: The school that lost the plot