NICOLA STURGEON, Scotland’s most regal of leaders, is now stepping back into the shadows of obscurity, where she will have to lurk with all the rest of the – ugh! – mere mortals.

Or maybe she’ll take a run at the US Presidency. She’s not technically qualified to do so, though surely a mere technicality won’t be enough to stop Nic nabbing the White House and redecorating its exterior, so that in future it’s known as the Tartan Hoose.

The Diary will certainly miss Scotia’s very own Gloriana, especially as we have always enjoyed trying to figure out what goes on in her head, by analysing the novels she reads.

For example, Nic is currently perusing a book by Ayobami Adebayo called A Spell Of Good Things, which she is rather enjoying.

Perhaps it’s taking her mind of her Spell of Bad Things, which started with the Gender Recognition Bill and ended with her resignation…

Cartesian cackle-merchant

DAFFY Drumchapel comedian Iain MacDonald says: “My favourite French philosopher named after a hostess trolley is Rene Teacart.”

Cutting comment

WHEN she was working in an upmarket Glasgow restaurant, Karen McCaffrey, from East Kilbride, was once shouted at by a rather inebriated diner who complained that the steak he was attempting to eat was inedible.

“Look,” he growled. “It’s so tough I can’t even cut into it.”

To which Karen politely replied: “Yes, sir. Though perhaps the meat would be a little easier to cut if you turned the knife round and used the sharp edge.”

The rude diner rather sheepishly eat the rest of his meal without further comment.

Phone fear

POLITICIANS and parliamentary officials have been banned from using the Chinese-owned app TikTok on government-issued phones.

This news has greatly concerned the teenage son of reader Rachel Peterson, who said to her the other day: “What if the government bans everyone from using TikTok? I’d have to stop watching videos on my phone, all day, and actually do something with my life.”

Dead reckoning

THE Diary continues to bravely face up to the consequences of the financial flop that is the UK. Reader Christopher Robertson recently asked a friend what he is going to do when he retires.

“Retire?” snorted the friend. “I’m going to have to work right up until the lunchtime of the day of my funeral.”

Fickle facts

AN important announcement from Stephanie Russell, from Bridge of Weir, who says: “According to a recent study, all fake news usually starts with the phrase: ‘According to a recent study’.”