Stretching the truth
WE’RE discussing an elegant member of the avian world, which reminds Sarah Munro from Aberdeen of being a young child, and the first time she saw a swan, which was in an illustrated book.
“What’s that?” she asked her dad.
“A duck,” said dad, who was never one for letting the boring truth hinder an explanation.
“Why’s it got a long neck?” said Sarah.
“When it was a baby duck it was very popular,” said dad. “So another duck tried to steal it from its mother. They both took an end… and tugged. And that’s the result.”
“My dad had many talents,” says Sarah, “being the next David Attenborough wasn’t one of them.”
📖 Sign up to the Herald Diary newsletter and get the sublime and the ridiculous sent directly to your inbox every day.
Red alert, continued
WE mentioned that ginger-haired folk are often given a hard time. Bruce Stevens from Cumbernauld had a high school English teacher who forced him to sit at the back of the class.
Not because of behavioural issues; she claimed his ginger locks were “distracting”.
Says Bruce: “I once told her I’d gladly come to school wearing a top hat if that would be less off-putting. She said not to be cheeky – you just can’t win.”
Footering about
A THOUGHT of planetary significance from reader James Doyle: “When you bury your feet in the sand at the beach, you are briefly wearing the Earth as shoes.”
Crunch time
HEALTHY reader Jennifer Gates worked as a trainer in an Edinburgh gym where a lady who had never previously bothered about exercising arrived to look round, and was particularly intrigued by the water-bottle holder affixed to the running machine.
“That’s all very well,” she said to Jennifer. “But I tend to have a pack of Monster Munch and a Crunchie about midday, which is when I’ll be exercising. Where do I put them?”
Equine edibles
MANAGING a swanky Glasgow restaurant in the 1980s, Derek Muir interviewed a prospective waiter, who sadly didn’t get the job after mentioning he had served horse desserts in another dining establishment he’d worked in.
Says Derek: “I was about to ask what part of the horse he served for pudding, when I twigged. He meant hors d’oeuvres.”
Egg-cellent idea
AN Easter tale. Sunday school teacher Gwen Doncaster recalls the unimpressed pupil she once taught, who said: “Chocolate Easter eggs are boring. They all look the same. Why doesn’t anyone make one that looks like a fried egg?”
Cutting comment
“I FIRED the guy I hired to mow my lawn,” admits reader Gordon Butler. “He just didn’t cut it.”
Why are you making commenting on HeraldScotland only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here