Stone alone

EVERYTHING is constantly evolving in the dynamic city of Glasgow. This is even true of the most famous landmark in the West of Scotland, the statue of Wellington with a traffic cone atop his bonce.

Or is it a statue of a traffic cone with a Wellington at its base? Quite possibly.

Though sometimes this isn’t true.

Reader Edward Milton was strolling past the imposing edifice the other day when he noticed, to his great dismay, that Wellington was still there. But – shock! horror! – nary a sign of the traffic cone.

An elderly lady was also staring, aghast, at the much-diminished stone figure.

She then turned to Edward and said: “I dinnae like seein’ him wi’ oot his cone. Feels like I’m keekin at the poor fella in the scuddy.”

Seeing red

THE other night reader Roger Evans and a pal visited a less than salubrious hostelry in Glasgow city centre. At one point in the evening a scrappy young fellow with a mop of ginger hair was ejected from the premises after smashing a pint glass and yelling abuse at bar staff. 

As the raging red-head was being marched towards the front door, Roger’s pal chuckled, then said: “Guess that’s the last we’ll be seeing of Ned Sheeran.”

Fit… for nothing

AMBITIOUS reader Daniel Cartledge would like to build up some muscle and have a six-pack, unfortunately he’s just too darned lazy.

“So I go to the local gym,” he says, “and do diddly squats.”

Money minus eudaimonia

PHILOSOPHICAL musings on the relationship between contentment and cash from reader Lucy Hunt, who says: “Being rich and unhappy is better than being poor and unhappy. You can buy a nicer brand of tissues to cry into, at any rate.”

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In triplicate

WATCHING the Coronation on TV a few days ago, reader Sylvia Portland mentioned to her 13-year-old grandson that the monarch’s full title was Charles III.

“Right,” said Sylvia’s grandson, nodding wisely. “So he’s a trilogy, like Lord of the Rings and the original Star Wars.”

Wot a barb

OCCASIONALLY we come across a snippet of scholarly debate as memorable as the repartee between Doctor Johnson and Boswell.

English teacher Gavin Robinson once heard an angry pupil snarl at a former pal: “Shut it, you. Yer maw eats Wotsits wi’ a knife and fork.”

Hard to swallow

HUNGRY James Griffiths noticed a restaurant with a sign saying All-Day Breakfast. “I thought to myself,” says James, “I haven’t got time for that.”