Bowled over

VISITING an Inchinnan bowling club, reader Jim Morrison overheard the following conversation:

"Willie, d’you have trouble deciding which is the back and which is the front when you’re pulling on a plain-coloured crew-neck jumper? Because I do.”

“Not at all,” responds Willie. “The front’s usually got stains oan it.”

Driven to distraction

RETIRED Labour MP Sir Brian Donohoe recalls being on an employment panel for a bus driver who had inspected his vehicle at the end of a shift and discovered an intriguing parcel. Instead of delivering it to lost property he unwrapped it and discovered a white stick with a pair of dark glasses.

For some reason he decided to wear the glasses and carry the cane when he arrived for his next shift. He then asked a wee wumman to guide him to his bus where he jumped into the driver's seat and drove off with his horrified passengers screaming in terror.

Sir Brian tells us the sympathetic employment panel let the rogue roadster off with a final warning.

Personal service

MORE flights of fancy from former pilot Doug Maughan, who recalls training for his captaincy with BA’s exceedingly customer-friendly Highland Division, based in Glasgow. His plane was seconds from take-off for Stornoway when air traffic control got in touch to explain that an elderly lady, a Mrs MacLeod, had arrived late at the gate and missed the flight. Would the plane come back for her?

As there were only 20 passengers on board, and half of them probably knew Mrs MacLeod, the decision was taken to taxi back down the runway to the terminal to pick up Mrs MacLeod, then set off anew.

Bricking it

BROWSING an ancient magazine discovered in a loft, exhausted mother of two, Lauren Evans, noticed an article with the headline "Problems That Arise When Hiring A Fulltime Nanny’.

“That’s a problem I’d kill for,” says Lauren. “It’s like someone whingeing that they don’t know what to do about all the gold bricks in their bank vault.”

Initially bad news

DAFT comment of the day from reader Martin Pierce: “My pal David had his ID stolen. Now he’s just Dav.”

Ejukashun rools

WE’RE reporting on Glasgow Uni and its bright spark undergraduates. Reader Iain MacLean recalls visiting the student union and spotting graffiti which proudly proclaimed: “I always wanted to be an engineer and now I are one.”

Biting wit

AN acute culinary comment from reader Maria Roberts: “If you eat an entire cake without cutting it you technically only had one piece.”

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