Liquid lunch

A MENTION of the delights of the Renfrew Ferry reminds reader Gordon McRae of his daily commute between Yoker and Renfrew in the 1960s.

“For a bit of fun,” says Gordon, “and possibly to break up the monotony, the skipper would sometimes dip the forward ramp under the surface of the water. The ramp was then raised, causing copious quantities of river water to cascade on to the deck and over the boots and shoes of the passengers.”

So the bad news was that everyone arrived at their destination drookit.

And the good news? The gallons of gushing liquid flooding the ferry meant that nobody needed to bring bottled water in their packed lunch.

Geneva convention

ANOTHER tale of those magnificent men in their flying machines. Former pilot Doug Maughan recalls a Captain Gilson, notorious for his cantankerous ways. A Second Officer was once on a plane with Gilson in Geneva, and it was clear that the aircraft would struggle to get airborne with its scheduled load. So Gilson threw the Second Officer off the flight, telling him to find his own way back to Heathrow.

Some years later the Second Officer, now a First Officer, bumped into Gilson at Belfast Airport. Gilson looked him up and down and, without a hint of a smile, said: “I thought I got rid of you in Geneva.”

Toilet humour

WE continue celebrating the profound scribblings discovered on the toilet doors of Glasgow University Union. Gordon Fisher from Stewarton recalls glancing towards the toilet roll dispenser in that hallowed place and noticing that somebody had engraved upon it the words: ‘Edinburgh University degrees – please take one.’


A PROFOUND thought from the granddaughter of reader Gillian Crosswell, who asked granny: “Why is your bottom called your bottom when it’s actually in your middle?”

Up a Gumtree

SCANNING Gumtree, the classified advertisement website, Stewart Prodger spotted an item for sale that was described as a "wedding day countdown plague".

Our understandably intrigued reader wonders if it might have been a "plaque" that was actually being sold, though in these unusual times you can never be sure…

Driven to distraction

THE Diary is currently at war with the English language, which we believe is far too duplicitous for its own good. Outraged reader Jim Hamilton points out that our loopy lingo makes it possible to “drive in parkways and park in driveways”.

Birdbrained theory

NATURE loving reader Chris Stanford asks: “Do songbirds ever get annoyed with hummingbirds because they won’t learn the lyrics?”

Read more: Those were the days...