Shaggy dog story

A SLIVER of determined sunshine managed to insert itself between the regular onslaught of Scottish raindrops this week, much like a particularly svelte chap may attempt to squeeze himself into a packed lift bulging with portly passengers.

Many Scots will have been delighted by this turn of events, though not Stephen Brownlie, who is the proud owner of a hirsute hound named Percy.

Our correspondent informs us that his dog has suffered greatly in the sunshine, forcing Stephen to devise a revolutionary invention which he proudly calls the dogasol.

“It’s a parasol for pooches,” he reveals. “All you have to do is attach a standard parasol to a leash, then your dog can enjoy the shade during walkies.”

There are other benefits, too. “A dogasol adds some added elegance to even the scruffiest of mutts,” says Stephen, “turning your pet into a barking boulevardier.”

The numbers racket

A DIARY comment about the wonders of binary reminds Grant MacKenzie from Bearsden of an ex-maths teacher colleague who tested his pupils’ knowledge by writing the following statement on the blackboard: “There are only 10 kinds of people in the world – those who understand binary, and those who don’t.”

Naughty Scotty

WE’RE discussing the scholarly scribbles scrawled on Glasgow University Union’s toilet doors. Bert Peattie from Kirkcaldy says the dreaming spires don’t have a monopoly on profound statements written in the cludgie.

At a BT training school he once spotted on a toilet door the message, Don’t beam me up yet Scotty, I’m just about tooooooo…"

The final run of o’s stretched all the way to the top of the door.

Food for thought

THE Thornwood Bar in Glasgow's Dumbarton Road has outraged sensitive members of its gourmet gobbling clientele by serving chips in a mug.

Other customers are more enthusiastic, stating that they now eagerly anticipate hotdogs served in slippers.

Hoy standards

SCOTLAND has always been ahead of its time, boasts reader David Donaldson, who tells us that when the Royal Navy developed its base on Hoy during the Second World War they built their radio communications centre on a nearby hill which just happens to be called… Wee Fea.

Micro minute

“'ALLOW food to rest for one minute before eating’ must be the most ignored instruction amongst microwave users,” claims reader Andrew McDonnell. “It really should read: ‘Allow food to rest for as long as it takes to rip off cellophane and start chomping’.”

Picture this

FEELING his age, reader Alex Hargrave says: “I’m old enough to remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.”

Read more: Those were the days...