Posh nosh

BEARSDEN is one of Scotland’s swankier suburbs, notes Malcolm Boyd from nearby Milngavie. A friend of his was working as a Bearsden catering manager. (A position known as a dinner lady in less salubrious areas.) This woman was stopped in the corridor one morning by a pupil who inquired what was on the menu.

“Sausages,” she replied.

“Oh goody!” replied the young scholar. He added that he was supposed to have had sausages for breakfast, but the au pair burnt them.

Muddled Maggie

THE Diary likes to provide a glimpse behind the dazzling façade that is cunningly constructed by politicians and their acolytes.

For example, we recently exclusively revealed that Boris Johnson isn’t a particularly disciplined, sombre or hard-working chap.

No doubt this revelation came as a shock to readers who believed BoJo was a blend of Churchill, Lincoln and William Wallace.

Russell Smith from Largs points out that all politicians are flawed, even mighty Maggie Thatcher, who once commended her loyal sidekick William Whitelaw by claiming: “Every Prime Minister needs a Willie.”

She could have retracted this indecorous statement. Alas, the lady was not for turning.

Art attack

A SCULPTURE titled The Spirit of Kentigern once stood in Buchanan Street. Reader Douglas Johnston recalls pausing to admire it when a young street urchin yelled, “Look mister, it’s no real,” and proceeded to launch himself at the plinth, stone in hand, which he used to thump poor Kentigern. This resulted in an echoing boom, conclusively proving the object was hollow.

Where is that street urchin now, we wonder? One of the nation’s most celebrated art critics, most likely.

Getting the needle

RECEIVING a Covid injection in Austria, where reader Richard Davis lives, is disconcerting. The standard greeting from the person administering the jab is “Grusse Gott,” which can be translated as “Greet God.”

Presumably the usual reply to such a statement is: “Not for a while, fingers crossed.”

Life before Kilroy

MORE toilet humour. In the 1960s youth hostel lavatory doors were often daubed with the message, “Kilroy was here.”

Glen Nevis hostel was an exception, recalls reader Gordon Casely. The notification on that particular door was:

“I leap in mirth and jump for joy,

“For I was here before Kilroy.”

Is Oliver history?

BROADCASTER Neil Oliver has joined Andrew Neil’s recently launched news channel GB News. Comedian Robert Florence isn’t impressed, claiming Oliver’s career “has gone from Coast to toast”.

Nude no-no

SUGGESTION of the day from reader Paul Simpson: “A good sign for a strip club during the daytime would be: ‘Sorry, we’re clothed.’”

Read more: Bumbling along with Boris