Punishing pun

THERE are two reasons why our footy team’s defeat against the Czech Republic should be deemed a disaster.

1) It now forces Scotland to crush England when we play them next. And, as every member of the Tartan Army will tell you, we hate crushing the English, for we admire their modesty and humbleness as a footballing nation. (Apparently they once won some sort of kickabout, back in 1966, yet they hardly ever mention it.)

2) It allows linguistically-limber reader Norman McAllister from Hamilton to rub salt in the wound by saying of Monday’s result: “The Czechs were fairly bouncing in Glasgow that night.”

Number 2 is amusing, we must admit. Though we find ourselves chuckling through the tears…

Kilroy killjoy

WE mentioned that the "Kilroy was here" phrase, usually accompanied by a drawing of a chap peeking over a wall, was once a popular graffiti sketch. John Macnab from Falkirk informs us that it dates back to the Second World War, when advancing Allied forces from the US would doodle the cockamamie character on structures they came across.

Sometimes a phrase such as "Clap your hands and jump for joy, I was here before Kilroy" was written nearby.

John explains this often led to the scrawled response: "Sorry to spoil your little joke, I was here, but my pencil broke."

Spells disaster

A SPOOKY thought from reader Walter McCole: “A dyslexic ghost would really bamboozle any spiritualist trying to contact it using a ouija board.”

Meaningful education

HAVING endured today’s initial Diary entry, with its downbeat dirge about disaster, dismay and Hampden doom, our faithful readers probably assumed we would now be cheering them up with lighter fare.

No such luck.

For we are fiendishly drawn back to Monday’s footy farrago, to report that Glasgow singer Amy Macdonald was delighted that some kids were allowed to watch the game at school.

“This is the sort of crushing disappointment that sets you up for life,” she adds.

Mixed response

ONE of reader Ben Glover’s parents is from Cardiff. The other hails from Aberdeen. “Am I Scottish, or Scot(ish)?” he inquires.

No party

WE just can’t help ourselves, for it’s back to a certain match we return… Reader Bob Jamieson is holidaying in Suffolk. Having watched the Scotland game, it’s with a heavy heart that he now sings: "Yes sir, I’m in Bungay.’’

Sky’s the limit

“I HEARD a rumour Greggs were starting home deliveries using drones,” says reader Malcolm Boyd. “Sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.”

Read more: Here's why it's tough being a Bearsden schoolboy