Really, Frank?

BUCKIE tales continued, and legendary entertainer Andy Cameron recalls: “Back in the late 50s, after being knocked back from admittance to Ra Barraland, two pals and myself, them from Bri’gton and me from the posher side of the Clyde – Rutherglen – decided to spend our non-admittance money on fish suppers.

“As we wandered along London Road cursing the doorman who refused us entry, Big Frank produced a half bottle of The Buckie from doon his trousers at the back! Both the Brigtonians had a swally then Frank offered me the bottle and was slightly pit oot when I said: ‘Really, Frank? Rid wine with fish?’”

Wee baby dram

MERR drink, and our recent series on weird potations prompts Alison Maclure to relay the following tale told by her mum Irene. "In the early 1970s (says Irene), my late husband George and I went on our first package holiday to Spain. Not trusting the local water in Ibiza, but still wanting his whisky diluted, George ordered it with the next best thing … milk. Thereafter, the waiter greeted him asking, 'Bambino's drink, senor?'

"'Bambino's drink' stuck, even back home when he ordered it in the traditional way, with good Loch Katrine water."

Hairs of the dog

SEE, one drink leads to another. Our best known reader, Anon, recounts: “Many years ago, when cargo ships did such things, a Glasgow-registered vessel was loading cargo up a creek in West Africa somewhere. There were several delays and the vessel ran out of tonic water. The Chief Officer reported subsequently that Aqua Velva [aftershave] in Gin was a poor substitute.” And, says Anon, “he came home wearing a beard”.

So-so soda

OK, one for the road, from a Wishaw reader. It’s Halloween, 1947, a time of great demand for fizzy American Cream Soda. “At a gathering of young lads, not closely supervised, one declared his discovery that a tin of white powder used by his grandfather only required water to create this Nectar of the Gods. Spoonfuls of this magic substance were accordingly deposited in many glasses and eagerly consumed. And thus a lasting memory was created with this introduction of Andrews Liver Salts.”

Dish of the day

READER Hugh Paton is wondering why a voucher offer for an esteemed restaurant in Hamilton was deemed by his computer to be Spam.

Thanks, lav

MORE signs of advancing maturity as Kelso reader Thelma Edwards reports: “Now I know that I am getting old as, after flushing the toilet this morning, I patted the cistern and said (out loud): ‘Thank you, dear!’”

Mind the stares

ASTROLOGER Russell Grant, according to his PR, is heading to Southsea for a “staring” role in Hairspray. You could see him far enough.

Bit Harsh

READER Barbara Smith was intrigued by a sign in Paphos, Cyprus, which featured the English translation: “Entrance is strictly prohibited to unnecessary people.” Barbara wonders: “Politicians?”

Beam me oot

OCHILTREE reader Gavin Weir can explain the man seen with a mobile phone in our Herald Archive picture from 1960. The scene shows him beside park benches full of old men wearing horizontal millinery. “It’s obviously Mr Spock out of Star Trek on a visit to Glasgow saying into his flip-up communicator: ‘You’re right, Captain. This place is hoachin’ wi’ Klingons. And they’re all wearing flat bunnets.’”