GLASGOW is a special place for those who admire the work of Anton Chekhov, for the Russian writer’s first major play, The Seagull, had its English language premiere in the city, back in 1909. With this in mind, the Diary has always been happy to publish fragments of everyday life that are Chekhovian in nature. Those nuanced, almost spiritual epiphanies that sparkle with subtlety and subtext.
With no further preamble necessary, we present the following scene, overheard by Bill Eadie at the checkout of his local supermarket.
Staff member: Don’t swear at me.
Customer: Ah didnae.
Staff member: You did.
Customer (with added emphasis): Ah f***ing didnae.
Roll on, 40
OUTLANDER actor Steven Cree has reached the precipitous age of 40. On the final day of his thirties he decided to go out in style.
Did this mean pubbing and clubbing, perchance? Perhaps.
Though that wasn’t the highlight of the big thirtysomething bye bye binge.
“I just had a bacon and egg roll, a crispy roll no less, drenched in ketchup,” says the actor, with a certain amount of pride, adding: “It was f***ing magic.”
Face facts
LIKE Doctor Johnson of yore (Yore being somewhere in the West Midlands) David Donaldson is planning on compiling a dictionary. The Doc’s magnum opus focused specifically on the English language, whereas our reader has something much more ambitious in mind. A dictionary that translates Facebook-speak into plain English.
There follows some examples of this work in progress…
Wonderful new gadget = Crappy, overpriced gimmick. Been around for ages.
Everybody is doing it = Nobody you know is doing it.
Can you solve this difficult puzzle? = It’s so simple your hamster could solve it.
Lost in translation
BEING married for 47 years to someone born south of the Border can have its problems, admits reader Bob Jamieson. For instance, Bob’s wife thought his computerised reading device was made in Scotland. This confusion resulted from her mis-hearing her hubby, whom she often believed was saying: “Where’s McKindle?” or “I need to charge McKindle.’’
Bob now hopes to convince the missus of the existence of the fashionable McKindle tartan. The plaid design is created using words, of course, and looks very much like a giant crossword puzzle.
'Confidence' booster
THE son of reader Tom Cooper has a special eraser he uses for school work. He named the little hunk of rubber ‘Confidence’. The reason? It gets smaller with every mistake he makes.
House bound
FACT of the day: Jim Hamilton, from Carmunnock, says there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house. Jim proceeds to explain this is because an antelope has powerful hind legs. Another reason being the average house can’t jump.
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