Brekkie blues

OUR readers sometimes like to tell us how difficult their early years were, when everything was in short supply and the only joy of childhood was provided by the flickering hope of one day growing up to be a noble and justly celebrated contributor to the Herald Diary.

In this frame of mind, Lionel Collins gets in touch to say: “As a kid I was so poor that for breakfast I had no choice but to eat Ordinary K.”

Steaming mad

WE continue with our seafaring yarns. Alan Smith from Neilston recalls the tale of the Clyde steamer captain, who quite possibly was not a leading light in the feminist movement.

About to depart from the pier at Craigendoran, he spied a late passenger hurrying towards the boat and was heard to grumble, "Ach, why does the last man always have to be a woman?"

Best… or worst?

THE Diary has been speculating about the wedding of the Prime Minister, which is rumoured to be planned for next summer.

Reader Fiona Sutherland says, “I’m sure the nuptials will go swimmingly, as long as Dominic Cummings doesn’t pop up unexpectedly to give a surprise Best Man’s Speech.”

Hairbrained name

WE’VE been discussing retail businesses that trade under clever monikers. David Donaldson tells us that in Castelculier, a village just south of the rugby capital Agen, there is a hairdresser called Hair du Temps.

L’air du temps - as those with a French/English dictionary at hand will know - means: ‘The spirit of the age’ or ‘The current trend’.

Clearly Gallic snippety-snip merchants adore a pun as much as their British counterparts.

Cut price

STROLLING down Buchanan Street with his wife, reader James Conway spotted a teenager wearing a pair of jeans which were slashed and shredded in the fashionable style.

“I bet they cost a lot of money,” James whispered to his wife.

“Yes,” she replied. “A rip off in more ways than one.”

Liquid lunch

A CHUM of reader Rory Hartley happened to mention recently that he was glad the pubs were opening again as he had missed the yummy soup which his favourite hostelry regularly served him.

“And what soup is that?” asked our reader.

“Whisky with ice croutons,” replied his chum.

Sleep of reason

HOUSEPROUD reader Gemma Young was having a discussion with her husband about updating the décor in the couple’s bedroom.

Hubby was rather less than enthusiastic about the idea, and grumped: “Why should we spend money on a room where we’re unconscious 95% of the time?”