OUR observant readers will have noticed there was a rather important kickyball game at the weekend, in which Manchester City were defeated by the mighty Chelsea. City’s manager Pep Guardiola, who has garnered many plaudits in his career, is now receiving bucketloads of brickbats for his team’s poor result.

Broadcaster and Hoops fan Dominik Diamond predicts further ignominy for poor, put upon Pep.

“Guardiola is getting such a slagging,” says Dominik, “I half expect him to be bookies favourite for the Celtic job within the hour.”

Doggone dog

WE have been discussing pets with peculiar names. Reader Gordon Wright tells us of an elderly lady of his acquaintance who adopted a rescue bulldog, which she named Caesar. During the recent Holyrood elections, a female canvasser arrived at her front door. As the canvasser was leaving, the bulldog decided to race after her.

The old lady shouted, “Caesar! Caesar!” and the dog promptly grabbed the canvasser by the ankle.

Our reader is curious to find out if the dog’s name has now been changed to ‘Here boy’.

Loopy lingo

AS every baffled schoolchild knows only too well, the English language is a sneaky trickster that likes to confuse and abuse those who attempt to learn its arcane ways.

Reader Jim Hamilton points out: “When you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment. But when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo.”

Weather woes

SUMMER has just about reached Scotland, which means we will soon be having six days of freezing cold rain, wind, sleet, hail and snow, instead of the usual seven days.

Thinking about our intemperate temperature, Ian Noble, from Carstairs Village, wonders if the citizens of the Baltic states of Latvia, Lithuania or Estonia ever say on a cold night: “It’s Scottish out there.”

Toilet trouble

THE Diary is in awe of students and their learned ways, which is why we continue to celebrate the profound scribblings on the toilet doors of Glasgow University Union.

Russell Smith, from Largs, recalls one especially beautiful rhyming couplet:

“It’s no use standing on the seat

The spirochaete can jump six feet”.

(Spirochaete is a type of bacteria, of course. Not the surname of an energetic Greek footballer.)

Close call

“I ASKED my husband how we should celebrate when lockdown is finally over for good,” says reader Jennifer Beattie.

Hubby answered: “How about a nice night in?”