The gap trap
OBSERVANT reader Hugh Peebles is intrigued by the logo emblazoned across Borders Buses, which sweetly states: "Bringing people together."
Hugh concedes that this is a fine sentiment, though he wonders if it’s a tad touchy-feely, with social distancing still in place.
Perhaps the bus company slogan could be changed to: "Bringing people together until they get just a little too close, then screeching: 'Halt right there. Back up. Back up, we said! Don’t move till we fetch a tape measure to check for a two metre gap”.’
Trophy time?
ANOTHER floaty, boaty story. Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie recalls studying to be a ship’s engineer at Glasgow’s Nautical College. The course combined theory and practical knowledge, meaning students served aboard a ship before taking their written examinations, collectively referred to as the "screen test.
The reason exams were known by this name was because passing them ensured young sailors could triumphantly return to the sea on film star wages. (Though, alas, no shiny Oscar was ever handed out, even to those students who passed their screen test with actorly aplomb.)
Bottling out
SOME people are glass half-full types. Some are glass half-empty. Reader Richard Moore says: “I exclusively use plastic Tupperware receptacles, so I’m not sure where that leaves me.”
Flight of fancy
THOSE Australians are a wacky bunch. Reader Foster Evans informs us that some larrikin louts, desperate for a laugh in the city of Sydney, have painted on a rooftop near the local airport a message which reads: "Welcome to Perth.’" Passengers glancing out the windows of descending planes are understandably horrified, believing they are landing in the wrong city.
The Diary wonders what message should be written on a rooftop near Glasgow Airport to wickedly welcome landing passengers. We suggest: “Welcome to Scotland. The deep-fried pizzas are waiting for you.”
Food for thought
“BECOMING a vegetarian is one big missed steak,” points out carnivorous reader Scott Jones.
Bottled bliss
DURING a Euros press conference, footballing icon Ronaldo appeared to snub fizzy drink company Coca Cola by pushing away their beverage and holding aloft with approval a bottle of water. Bert Buchan wants Scotland captain Andy Robertson to do something similar at his next press conference. “Only instead of that hideous H2O stuff, he should triumphantly raise a bottle of Irn-Bru,” says our reader.
Junk mail
WHEN reader Darren Anderson received an email explaining how to read maps backwards, he was intrigued. “Turns out it was just spam,” he sighs.
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