Fab vocab
FOR some inexplicable reason the Euros haven’t been cancelled, even though Scotland are no longer taking part in the kickyballathon.
Stranger still, some people are still watching the remaining matches on telly. Yet surely a sporting extravaganza minus the jaunty Jocks is like Prince Harry without a chip on his shoulder… an outlandish and pointless spectacle.
Two of those eccentric people who remain engaged are Gavin Horgan and his 13-year-old son, John, who watched Portugal play France this week.
At one point John said approvingly of the action: “That was an audacious chip!”
Impressed by this phrase, dad said: “Your vocabulary’s improving.”
“It’s no biggy,” shrugged the youngster, “I’ve been using the word chip for ages.”
Boogie and beyond
CONTINUING with the footy theme, reader John Fallon is feeling grumpy and unforgiving regarding Scotland’s Euro exit and believes “Yes Sir, I Can Boogie” should no longer be our nation’s unofficial anthem.
He now hopes an enterprising singer releases a song called: “Yes Sir, I’m Still Fine With The Boogying. It’s The Football That Needs Work.”
The brain drained
A DIARY tale about coffee shops reminds reader Julie Truster of being in a Starbucks queue in Glasgow city centre at 8.30am, when an exhausted looking chap in front of her ordered a milky coffee to take away.
The kindly barista studied the bags under his customer’s eyes (which looked more like bulging suitcases than bags) and asked if he wanted a perky extra shot in his coffee.
“Not likely,” replied the customer, “I start work in twenty-five minutes, and the less my brain knows about that, the better.”
Exercising the demons
FITNESS fan Jenny Minter says: “I wonder how many calories I’ll burn while I’m running away from my problems?”
Lost and found
SHOPPING in Sainbury’s, reader Maureen Whitworth came across a staff member swishing a broom into the narrow gap between the base of a shelf and the floor. This action unearthed goodies that had probably been lurking there for ages. Musty cans of Pringles, ancient Pot Noodles, cobweb-coated crisp packets.
An elderly chap toddling past while this was happening nodded to the shop assistant, and said: “Lord Lucan turned up yet?”
Company men
ANOTHER floaty, boaty story. Reader David Donaldson says: “There’s an old nautical saying that in every port in the world you’ll find three things: rats, fleas and Scotsmen.”
As a nation, we really do keep the best company…
Car clause
“IF you drive an electric car you’ll need a current licence,” points out reader Douglas Roy
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