Leisurely reminder
YOU get some wonderful bargains these days. Reader Eric Simmons renewed his Discount Card with Edinburgh Leisure and then received an email stating: "Your Discount Card will expire on 27 Oct 2104. We will send you a reminder shortly before your Discount Card is due to expire."
Eric is looking forward to receiving this reminder, though he admits he’ll have to take care of himself if he wants to read it in good health.
He’ll be 168 years old when it arrives.
Impish inference
ANOTHER tale from the schoolyard, where we discover that our wise educators are very astute at making logical deductions.
A fellow teacher once told Brian Logan from Langside that he was going to the Virgin Islands for his summer holidays. When Brian asked why, he replied that he had gone to the Canary Islands the year before and never saw a canary.
Oh, no… BoJo
WE continue with our series of miniature plays which bravely tackle hard-hitting topics. Reader Barry Munro has written a tragedy which examines how a once proud nation was brought to its knees.
Curtain up…
Dominic Cummings: That’s the votes all in, boss. Looks like you won the election.
Boris Johnson: By Jove – goody-goody gumdrops!
Colourful request
WE’RE discussing occasions that were undermined by inappropriate musical accompaniment. Bob Jamieson recalls a BBC radio programme where a lady requested a record to be played for her father’s 90th birthday. She mentioned that he was in good health and always cheerful, even though he had been blind since birth.
The DJ wished him a happy birthday then played ‘What a Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong.
The opening lines of the famous song are, of course: ‘’I see trees of green, red roses too…’’
Fishing for compliments
A READER tells us of a speed-dating experience he once had.
"Have you got any pets?" a young woman asked him.
"Yes,” he replied. “A goldfish."
"Any hobbies?" said the woman.
“Well," said our reader, “he does enjoy swimming…"
Parklife
A FRIEND of Russell Smith from Largs worked Monday to Friday away from home and would proudly proclaim: “During the week my body’s a temple, but at the weekend it’s a playground.”
The Diary heartily concurs with this sentiment, though we feel duty bound to add that the playground most chaps’ bodies resemble is one of those dilapidated parks where the swings are all rusty and the rickety seesaw refuses to bounce up and down any more.
Picture (not) perfect
GRUMPY reader Martin Bonne says: “Words can’t express how much I hate Emoji Day.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here