Marketing marriage

THERE are some wonderful bargains on offer at the moment. For instance, Paul H. Costello tells us that he sent emails to over 300 customers while promoting the holiday homes and lodges that he sells.

Unfortunately autocorrect changed the wording in the message. So instead of including free Wi-Fi, the promotion promised a free wife with every purchase

Having offered free internet deals in the past, Paul was intrigued by the response to his latest offer.

“Free wife got less interest than free Wi-Fi,” he reveals.

Go… West?

WITH thousands of delegates coming to Glasgow for COP26, Charles Murray from Newton Mearns

believes that the ever helpful Diary should provide suggestions for what newcomers to the city can do to entertain themselves of an evening.

Our reader gets the ball rolling with the following topsy-turvy advice: “Why not catch the Underground round to West Street where you will find the liveliest bars and restaurants in Glasgow’s South Side.”

Biting remark

WE continue with our tales of teenagers and their strange ways. The son of reader Iris Leslie arrived back from watching a football match and enquired if there was anything to eat in the house.

His mother confirmed that there was.

In a grumpy tone, the youth then said: “Do you mean actual food. Or are we talking about fruit?”

Talking bull

ON a bus into Glasgow city centre, reader Tom Philips overheard a young fellow say to his pal: “There’s just nothing you can do about it. You’re going to have to take the bull by the horns.”

The other chap wasn’t particularly impressed with this piece of advice.

“I totally hate that phrase,” he groaned, adding: “Why would anyone in their right mind go near a bull, especially its pointy bits? I’d rather sidle up to a cow.”

Seasons greetings

VISITING a coffee shop in Glasgow’s West End, reader Julie Bartlett overheard a lady at a nearby table say to her friend: “The nights are fair drawing in.”

“You’re not wrong,” agreed her friend, who added: “These autumn evenings are just like my ex-boyfriend’s heart. Dark and cold.”

Will’ on wheels

WE continue devising names to be emblazoned across the side of vans. Carl Williamson from Largs suggests that television licence detector vehicles could have written on their sides: TV or not TV, that is

the question.

Food plus friendship

“EVERY time I go to my local Chinese takeaway they're delighted to see me,” says reader Dave Hardy. “Apparently I'm likeable in a China shop.”