Blair flair

WE were sad to hear of the death of dancer, choreographer and all round Mr Exuberance, Lionel Blair, a chap who rose from ragged youth to razzle dazzle old age. Even in his 90s he refused to say sayonara to showbiz. If someone had offered him a pair of comfy slippers as a retirement gift, Lionel would have defiantly used them to perform an elegant soft-shoe shuffle.

The Diary is the journalistic equivalent of this performer. Committed to light entertainment, we prefer to charm and disarm rather than alarm.

Sometimes the reporters in our department even wear top hats and tails while hunched over their desks. Such attire can be stuffy in the summer months, though we feel it adds a certain elan and joie de vivre to our writing.

The following classic tales from our archives all celebrate that blithe Blair bonhomie, proving conclusively that the Diary isn’t yet ready to be presented with a pair of see-ya-later slippers…

Picture perfect

PEOPLE take up hobbies for a variety of reasons. A reader was in a camera shop in Glasgow’s Merchant City discussing the merits of a telescopic lens with the assistant when the door burst open.

“Haw Jimmy!” announced the new arrival. “Ah’ve just gied up the drink an’ ah’m lookin’ fir another hobby. Oany cheap camras?”

Chilly chap

A POLLOKSHIELDS reader told us she asked a girlfriend how her meeting with a chap from an internet dating site had gone. Her pal replied: “It was quite clear that the long romantic walks he talked about on his profile were mainly to the fridge.”

Tech triumphs

THE clocks went back recently. We recall the chap in an Ayrshire golf club who announced: “My phone, television and laptop all put their clocks back an hour without me touching them. So now I’m not even as smart as the stuff I own.”

Bond baddy barred?

WITH a new Bond movie proving popular, we recall when Skyfall, a previous flick in the franchise, was released. The Spanish actor Javier Bardem played the villain in the story, which sparked a popular 007 gag…

“I’ve thrown the new Bond villain out of my pub.”

“Javier Bardem?”

“No, he can come back when he’s sober.”

Nixing knowledge

UNIVERSITIES are inspiring places, but do we really need them? A reader in Glasgow’s west end heard a student coming out of the library telling his pal: “I’m finished with learning anything new unless they can prove to me that Google won’t exist in the future.”

Cheesy choice

SCOTTISH dining habits can sometimes be unique. A reader was in a fashionable Italian restaurant in St Andrews when the waiter asked the Fife wifey at the next table, while he proffered a dish of grated cheese: “Parmesan?”

“Just oan ma chips, please,” the lady replied.

Bum deal

A GOUROCK reader was in a supermarket which was selling leggings under a large label stating: “Ladies bottoms.”

A female shopper remarked: “If I knew they were selling them I’d have bought a smaller one.”