GOVERNMENTS like to get all muscular by claiming to “get things done”. They all say that this is what they were elected to do and that the public, the opposition and the media must leave them to “get on with the job”. Getting Brexit done has since become the flagship phrase in this locutionary suite.
The Tories even created a performance art routine to reinforce the message. Thus, ministers such as Sajid Javid perfected something that the lifestyle coaching sector likes to call “the power pose”. This is intended to convey steadfastness and a sense of purpose. It involved them standing with their legs several feet apart and their hands at their sides dangling with intent. Unfortunately, it made them look like they might soon require the use of something from the Diocalm catalogue.
The SNP, as always, are a little more subtle in the ways that they channel intent, although Humza Yousaf’s scooter promenade along the Holyrood power corridor last year was a temporary blip in an otherwise efficient routine. The Holyrood power corridor is the one which leads to the debating chamber and has become the most recognisable stretch of bureaucratic real estate in Scotland. It appears often on our news bulletins as Nicola Sturgeon strides purposefully along it accompanied by a retinue of Matalan-wearing flunkeys bearing folders and some of the other ephemera of government.
Now, in a rather startling development, the SNP have made a departure from their normal way of signalling thrust and resolve. Ms Sturgeon has encouraged schools all over the country to Chib for Scotland. A few hundred grand has been made available so that teachers can take an axe and saw to the bottom of their classroom doors to increase ventilation for pupils in these Covid days.
The First Minister said £5m would be given to local authorities to allow them to take “whatever steps” necessary to improve air flow in classrooms. This was after the Education Minister, Shirley-Anne Somerville had said that around 2,000 classes required improved ventilation.
This is an admirable initiative on the part of government. They’re actually rolling up their sleeves, donning their donkey-jackets and getting back to the basics of honest toil. I’m actually surprised that the First Minister became defensive about this when Douglas Ross chastised her about it. She should have owned it. The leader of the Scottish Conservatives called the idea “bonkers”. Calm down, Douglas, I’m sure the work will be contracted out to verified companies on the government’s official tendering framework. It won’t be the start of your dreaded gypsy apocalypse.
Ms Sturgeon needs to embrace this idea much more. I’d be advising her to take full advantage of the photo opportunities on offer here. Her advisers should be lining up a school in one of Glasgow’s less salubrious arrondissements for her to visit. Admittedly, these places don’t normally feature on her radar but any decent satnav system will get her there.
She would be wearing a hardhat and hi-viz safety jacket and armed with an axe as she lands the first blow to the bottom of the classroom door. Obviously, some real tradesmen would have already sawn away the intended area so that a single thrust by Ms Sturgeon would be enough to make it give way. Then, perhaps she could hand over a plaque to be displayed prominently in the school reception area with a perjink wee Latin inscription such as “age quod agis” about concentrating on the job in hand. And she could maybe say something profound about ensuring we all exit the Covid together.
If she were to recite these words by the great American poet and songstress, Whitney Houston it would be particularly poignant. "I believe the children are our future/Teach them well and let them lead the way/Show them all the beauty they possess inside/Give them a sense of pride to make it easier/Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be."
It would also serve as an encouragement to the technical classes who could be persuaded to demolish all the school doors as part of their studies. Perhaps too, there could be an outreach programme inviting edgy former pupils whose school years didn’t run smoothly and who harbour resentments to participate in kicking in the doors of their hated old classrooms. Hell, you could get an entire Party Political Broadcast out of this.
I feel too that this more utilitarian approach to show that things are getting done could transform other sectors of the Scottish industrial and cultural landscape. And especially in the realm of reducing our carbon footprints. You could apply the same classroom door-reduction principles to reducing fuel emissions. This could involve cutting the floors away from domestic vehicles and fitting them with pedals so that they could be powered by the exertions of four or five people in an average-sized family saloon. A variation on this idea was first floated by the Ant Hill Mob in the famous old children’s cartoon, The Wacky Races.
Some of Glasgow’s jumpy neighbourhoods have already pioneered the ancient urban alchemy of turning chip fat oil into fuel. The government could perhaps fund more research into this as a means of addressing the global fuel crisis.
We could even extend this pragmatic approach to building affordable new homes. Thus, starter homes for young, financially-pressed couples could be built without roofs and fitted with thatch instead. Households could apply for government grants to get their roofs removed as a means of making them Covid-efficient.
In many of Scotland’s rural areas which have suffered the effects of population decline entire villages could create a cottage industry in making thatched roofs. This would be really artisan and basic and tick so many sustainability boxes that we’d be in the running for the 2023 Climate Champions League. While other countries were merely talking about the climate, Scotland would be making it part of our families’ lived experience in their own homes.
The key to successful and meaningful government, I feel is to be prepared sometimes to think the unthinkable. Rather than revile the First Minister, we should be saluting her for leading from the front.
Our columns are a platform for writers to express their opinions. They do not necessarily represent the views of The Herald.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel