Babbling Bob
IN the 1970s reader Tom Cheetham chummed around with a chap called Robert who, like many of his ilk, preferred to be known as Bob.
One day the two friends were nearing the culmination of an imbibing session in a favourite hostelry when a wobbly Bob took to his feet and emphatically stated that he no longer wanted to be known by his regular moniker.
“From now on call me Two Bob,” he declared.
“How come?” enquired his puzzled pal.
“It’s all this inflation that’s going around,” came the reply. “One Bob’s just no’ worth what it used to be.”
Food for thought
THE strident Scottish comedian Leo Kearse isn’t a fan of meals that don’t include whopping big hunks of dead animal heaped high on a plate. He recently pointed out that a lot of vegetarian food attempts to emulate the flavour and appearance of meat-based dishes.
“But nobody takes a T-bone steak and tries to make it taste like cabbage,” he added.
Sassy in sales
SEXISM can be infuriating in the workplace, points out reader Sheila Adams from Cumbernauld, who had a successful career in the 1970s as a saleswoman in medical supplies.
Unfortunately many of her male colleagues didn’t like her demands to be treated equally.
“So they devised a nickname for me that I have to admit made me chuckle,” says Shelia. “I became a revolutionary figure in the office, who was known fearfully as She Guevara.”
Milky matters
“THE hardest part of producing skimmed milk,” explains reader Ed Brown, “ is throwing the cows across the lake.”
Boris bopped (again)
THE Diary doesn’t like to kick a man when he’s down. Not when a witty barb provides a more painful method of putting the boot in. Which brings us to Boris Johnson and his current woes.
Reader Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock says: “Remember Boris’s claim that Brexit was oven-ready? Well now his goose is cooked.”
Loopy love
SCOTTISH broadcaster Paul Coia received a rather alarming Valentine’s card this week. Inside was written in a crazed scrawl of red ink: "You promised you wud leave her. U R mine. She can’t make U happie I can! Leave her or else!’"
Slightly less alarmingly, Paul explains that the card was sent by his wife. “She thinks disguising her handwriting by writing left-handed gives her deniability,” adds Paul with an indulgent roll of his eyes.
Roundly terrified
WISE reader Gavin Hodge points out that "the only thing flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself”.
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