Meanspirited moniker
A DIARY tale discussing the peculiarities of the name Bob reminds Tom Irvine from Strathaven of being a coach for his son’s under 15 football team. During one training session he overheard two players talking: “Do you think I’ll get a game on Sunday?” said one.
“Not sure. You need to ask Bob,” replied the other.
Tom was rather indignant about this imposition and pointed out that he picked the team. Furthermore, he demanded to know who was this chap Bob?
“You are,” replied one of the youngsters, who went on to explain that it was an abbreviation the little rascals had devised, which stood for Baldy Old B… (We’re sure our clever readers can guess the rest.)
Snow joke
AN outbreak of nominative determinism seems to have infected the nation, for we keep hearing of people whose names rather too perfectly fit their chosen careers.
Gordon Fisher from Stewarton is spending a few days visiting family in Cheshire and, tuning into BBC North West, discovered they have a weathercaster aptly named… Sara Blizzard.
Royal patronage
TIME for a wee poem courtesy of Douglas Mackinnon, a TV director from Skye, who has worked on such hit fantasy and sci fi shows as Good Omens and Doctor Who. Though there’s nothing otherworldly about the following ditty which, alas, far too closely resembles life on planet earth…
"Oh, the grand old Duke of York, he had 12 million quid. He gave it to someone he never met, for something he never did."
Giggle over Google
THE Beijing Winter Olympics hasn’t been a triumph for the UK, apart from the women and men’s curling teams, who have performed splendidly.
Even so, it seems they haven’t quite reached legendary status, on the internet at least.
To find out how the teams were doing, reader Stan Newbold Googled British Curlers. The first thing that materialised on his computer screen was ‘Rose Blush Curling Wand’, which his helpful wife explained is something that makes a lady’s hair: “All wavy and floofy.”
Kicking off
BAMBOOZLED reader Nicholas Lamb says: “When my wife says we need to talk, why is it never about football?”
Love hurts
ROMANCE can be painful, especially when you lose your beloved. Reader Diane Roberts mentioned to her sixteen-year-old son that his favourite Chinese buffet restaurant had closed down.
“I didn’t even get a last chance to say goodbye,” he sniffled.
Nailed it
CURIOUS Gordon McRae wonders if a D.I.Y. expert puts up too many shelves in a room, does that means he’s shelf-obsessed?
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