Hanging around
PARENTS’ evenings are friendly occasions when mums and dads get the opportunity to give thanks to the fine educators who provide their children with such a wonderful start in life.
But that’s not always how it plays out.
Gwen Moore taught English in a rowdy Glasgow school in the 1990s. During one parents’ evening an impressively bulky lady barged into the classroom and said: “I’ve just been tae see the maths teacher, and I telt him if he had any mair snash wi’ ma son I’d be hingin’ that maths teacher oot the windae by his fingernails.”
There followed a brief pause with Gwen wondering if her own fingernails would soon be gripping a classroom window frame.
Then the mother added: “But you’ve nothin’ tae worry aboot, Miss Moore. Ma wee Tommy telt me yer awfy nice.”
The relieved teacher, not quite knowing how to respond, just said: “Er… thanks?”
Haughty home
ON a bus into Glasgow, reader Laura Watts heard one young woman gossiping to a gal pal. At one point the woman said: “Have you seen Donna recently? She’s gone all uppity after that move to the West End. Now she’s calling her flat an apartment. She’ll be replacing the doormat with a red carpet next.”
Number’s up
WE recently mentioned the problem of inflation rocking our nation. Reader Neil Jones says: “The repercussions will be enormous. Hip young dudes will soon be greeting each other with high tens instead of high fives.”
Nat no-no
CULTURE-LOVING reader Beth Calloway enthusiastically informed her husband that Scottish Opera are performing their version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Hubby merely rustled his paper and made no comment.
“The music’s by Benjamin Britten,” trilled Beth.
Hubby glanced over the top of his paper.
“Britten, eh?” he muttered incredulously. “Bet there’s a long line of Nats desperate to see that.”
The name game
WE continue discussing those unfortunate folk saddled with unusual names. Roddy Young recalls a chap he knew who struggled communicating while touring Germany.
The poor fellow, who was named Gordon Morgan, rarely got past the morning pleasantries.
Footering about
FOREVER topical, the Diary recently mentioned the collapse of the Tay Bridge in 1879. “It’s no laughing matter,” says reader Gordon Casely. “I once had my foot stood on in a queue and experienced my very own Big Tay Disaster.”
Clean but mean
EASILY-AMUSED reader Robert Betts says: “I love the way having hand sanitiser in shops makes everyone using it look like they’re hatching an evil plan to take over the world.”
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