The history man
A DIARY tale about a chap who lacked a critical understanding of Scotland’s proud past reminds Gordon Casely of the period he spent working as an amateur tourist guide.
He was once travelling in Deeside with a busload of holidaymakers, amongst whom were a couple from south of the Border who insisted on irritating everybody with their inane back-chat and historical "expertise".
Eventually the group halted at Invercauld Bridge, which is next to an older structure spanning the Dee.
Gordon indicated the aul' brig, and pointedly said to the smug southerners: “In 1314, on this very bridge, did Bonnie Prince Charlie and Mary Queen of Scots bid a final farewell.”
A proud Gordon tells the Diary: “You can always trust my version of history.”
Namesake nemesis
THE Diary’s Slavic correspondent, David Donaldson, notes that Glasgow has un-twinned itself from Rostov-on-Don as a consequence of the horrors being perpetrated on Ukraine.
Also, Oprah Winfrey has removed War And Peace from her book club and Compare The Market banished its Russian-accented meerkat spokesperson to Siberia. (Figuratively speaking, at least.)
“In the face of such Putin-intolerance,” ponders David, “what will the village of Moscow in Ayrshire do about its name?”
Salmon stakes
FISHY facts, continued. Tom Bain from Uddingston points out that when asked to name three indigenous Scottish fish beginning with "S" many people struggle to get beyond "salmon", totally forgetting about "single" and "special".
Daddy uncool
THE modern convention of fathers being present at the birth of their children reminds Ian Noble from Carstairs Village of how different it was back when he first became a dad. “The gynaecologist, one Dr Grieve, would never even consider such a thing,” says Ian. “He only begrudgingly acknowledged that fathers could be present at the conception.”
Kosherinary tale
WE recently mentioned that a university has warned its undergraduates to be careful reading Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea due to "scenes of violent fishing".
“Perhaps Jewish scholars of English should be wary of perusing Shakespeare’s play about a Danish prince,” says Barbara Parker. “I doubt Ham-let can be entirely kosher.”
Never-ending story
IRISH comedian Michael Redmond, who is based in Glasgow’s West End, is in a baffled mood: “When people say: ‘Never say, Never', do they realise that they've just said it twice?”
Doggone
MEDICALLY minded reader Susan Harrison gets in touch to inform us that: “The clinical term for the ailment when you own too many dogs is suffering from a roverdose.”
Read more: The case of the legal eagle and the mystery parrot
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