Energy solution
OUR glorious leader, Boris Johnson, has admitted the West’s reliance on Russian oil and gas was a “terrible mistake”.
Reader Mike Thompson has a cunning plan to ensure our future energy independence – run a pipeline through the PM.
“As a gasbag with a reputation for oily behaviour, BoJo would keep the West fuelled for decades,” says Mike.
Cash crash
THE future doesn’t look rosy for the West’s adversary, either. Reader Mark Young points out: “Overnight, the Russian economy has been reduced to rouble.”
On yer bike
EDINBURGH-BASED broadcaster Laura McConnell suffered a bit of a contretemps. Though being a quick-witted communications expert, she managed to have the last word when a neighbour knocked on her door and complained that Laura’s dog was chasing people on bicycles.
“My dog doesn’t even have a bicycle,” said Laura, and shut the door.
Boaty badinage
AT Whiteinch Indoor Bowling Club reader Jim Morrison overheard one player proudly telling a chum: “The wife booked a cruise for next year on P&O’s newest ship, Arvia, which is still being built, but will be ready next year.”
“Sounds good,” replied the chum. “Hope it’s no’ at Ferguson’s oan the Clyde.”
Literary lovelies
ENJOYING a quick quencher in a Glasgow city centre watering hole, reader Bill Heneghan overheard a young debutante at the bar bemoaning the fact that a former boyfriend had moved on to pastures new.
Shrugging off this slight to her own charms, she haughtily told her friend: “Am better aff wi’ oot him, oanyways. He’s aye been a scuzzy wee nyaff, an’ he gives me the dry boak.”
The friend, who perhaps wasn’t as sympathetic as she could have been, replied with a mischievous glint in her eye: “That’s a lovely way o’ puttin’ it, hen. Did ye get that frae a Jane Austen book?”
Scent-sational
GENEROUS Olive McAlpine from Shawlands decided to take her teenage grandson for a culinary treat at a local eatery.
She suggested a popular Chinese restaurant.
Grandson shook his head.
Perhaps upmarket Scottish cuisine would be to his liking?
He looked at her askance.
Eventually the fussy fellow proffered his own suggestion… McDonald’s.
Later that day the hungry pair entered the nearest franchise of that delightful chain, where Olive, taken aback by the heady scent of burger and chips, whispered to her grandson: “It’s a bit whiffy, isn’t it?”
“Whiffy?” replied the outraged teenage gourmet. “That’s the smell of paradise.”
Money matters
“THEY say the camera adds ten pounds,” says reader Helen Brown. “So I’ve started taking photos of my purse.”
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