Knowing the drill
THE Diary is disappointed to report some devious behaviour from one of the nation’s most celebrated authors, who ironically usually writes about devious behaviour.
Ian Rankin, the chap behind the Rebus novels, has admitted that when he was a student he visited a new dentist where the mouth mangler on duty asked which school Ian had attended.
“I lied and said a private one,” admits Ian. “Didn’t fancy second-rate dentistry.”
Alas, this ruse did not result in the wily writer avoiding a painful encounter – the dentist rewarded Rankin by drilling him 18 fillings.
Braw ha ha
A DISCUSSION about acronyms that are specific to the Scottish nation reminds a reader of her errant Glasgow youth when a friend devised a colourful abbreviation while participating in that noisy mating ritual that was the Palais of a Saturday evening.
“Do ye not fancy that guy over there in the corner?” asked our reader to her chum.
“Him?” replied the chum. “Naw. He’s VUB.”
Which turned out to mean… Very Un Braw.”
In the drink
IRATE reader Jennifer Beattie gets in touch to say: “I’ve always been told that chameleons blend well. So why did the one I had ruin my smoothie?”
Footy faux pas
OUR readers can, on occasion, be a tad too literal. Gordon McRae gets in touch to inform us that he spotted an article in The Herald revealing that Celtic were considering a bounce game during the international break.
“Does this mean the team are taking up basketball?” enquires a curious Gordon.
Taking a powder
EAGLE-EYED reader David Donaldson has spotted an intriguing example of nominative determinism at Huel, the food-replacement powder company.
In a newspaper article it was reported that the firm’s head of innovation had admitted that the original powder concocted for consumption was, “absolutely vile”.
And the name of that head of innovation?
Lee Boakes.
Micro marriage
THE Diary mentioned that chancellor Rishi Sunak was accused of insulting our proud nation after delivering a speech to Scottish Tory conference lasting just over two minutes. Our contributors are now attempting to think of other achievements that can be undertaken in this brief period.
Anne Bailey says: “Two minutes is the exact amount of time it takes reality star Katie Price to fall in love, marry, divorce then release a TV show documenting the entire romantic experience.”
Food for thought
CULINARY inclined reader Marvin Edwards says: “Last night I made a lamb curry. It wasn’t a success. Apparently they prefer grass.”
Read more: Could this be the next egg-citing concept for Still Game stars?
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