Bum deal
FOO Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins was a popular rocker and many fans will mourn his tragic death.
Some will also recall lighter moments in his presence. Scottish musician Simon Liddell met him when Hawkins was performing a solo show at Stereo in Glasgow.
“During set up he asked me to help him dry the ass sweat from his drum stool,” recalls Simon nostalgically. “Afterwards he called me ‘a legendary warrior of rock’… my finest moment.”
Sheepish response
YEARS ago, reader John Sword worked in the abattoir in Glasgow’s Duke Street, where the policy was to immediately alert the police if an animal escaped.
Once a sheep made a run for it, and the chap in charge, who just might have been imbibing fluids of the non-waterish variety, dutifully phoned the constabulary and informed them of the incident.
“Could you describe this sheep, sir?” said the cop on duty.
After a thoughtful pause the abattoir worker replied: “Well, it’s white and woolly and if you approach it, it’s likely to say, ‘Baaaa’.”
O meme miserum
THE Diary likes to get to bed early to enjoy quality time with its favourite teddy bear. So unfortunately we missed the feisty fracas at Sunday evening’s Oscars.
Reader Donna Noonan also missed the superstar slap, though read about it the following morning, and was tut-tutting about such unnecessary violence to her husband at the breakfast table.
“Have some compassion for the real victim,” replied her husband. “Instead of getting any work done at the office, I’ll spend the rest of the day obsessively watching Will Smith memes.”
Hot stuff
CULINARY inclined reader Ted Barker says: “Burning your mouth when you’re eating is when your food starts cooking you back.”
Mind your language
THE Spanish wife of reader Martin Dorman has decent English, though doesn’t get every word exactly right. The other day she struggled to express herself. “I need to buy tangerine,” she said, “with the trousers and the bib for doing gardening in.”
After minutes of bafflement, and citrus-fruit related queries, Martin realised what she meant.
His wife wanted to buy a new pair of… dungarees.
Taking the biscuit
AFTER enjoying a Chinese meal, reader Steve Minton opened his fortune cookie and read the message: “The heart is wiser than the intellect.”
“That means you’re an eejit,” explained his wife. “But a nice one.”
What a twit(ter)
“MY wife announced at breakfast she's leaving me because of my obsession with twitter,” sighs reader Paul Black. “I nearly choked on my #brown.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here