Rattled

A DIARY yarn about a mathematical mix-up reminds Brian Logan from Langside of the occasion when he had to teach a challenging class the exciting topic of ratio. Having prepared thoroughly, he wrote the word RATIO on the blackboard and told the class to copy the heading into their jotters.

Immediately an eager hand was thrust in the air and a girl asked: “Sir, what’s rat ten?”

Russian rogue

VLADIMIR Putin is merely the latest of a long line of Eastern despots like Attila the Hun, Catherine the Great and Ivan the Terrible, points out reader David Donaldson.

“So how will history remember him?” muses David. “As Vlad the Invader or Rash Putin?”

A cut above

ABOUT to reach the significant age of three score and 10 years last weekend, Terry McGeary from

East Kilbride decided to cheer himself up with a haircut. “The barber said it took10 years off me,” says a triumphant Terry, who adds, “I'm so impressed by his skills, I'm going back for another four cuts next week. That'll be just right.”

Will’s a hit

CINEPHILE Meg Harris points out: “The clip of Will Smith at the Academy Awards must already have more viewers than the film he won an Oscar for will ever get. So essentially that’s his most memorable performance.”

Batty about Bats

WITH a nostalgic glint in his eye, reader Alan Beck recalls the days when the only reading material you could discover in an elderly relative’s home was a sturdy edition of the Bible on the mantelshelf. It would seem that matters have evolved, somewhat.

Alan wandered into the Forbidden Planet comic shop in Glasgow this week and overheard a teenage chap telling the assistant that he was new to this reading malarky and wanted to try some of the available products.

“So you’ve never read a Batman comic?” inquired the surprised assistant.

“No,” admitted the customer. “But I’ve seen loads of them round at my granddad’s house.”

Howard's way

WE recently mentioned a bizarre retail experience involving the mother of Glasgow crime scribe Denise Mina. It would seem that Denise has suffered the occasional traumatic occurrence at the shops herself.

“I once did an appearance in a shopping centre bookshop, but no one came,” recalls Denise. “Across the shopping centre corridor Howard from the TSB adverts personal appearance drew quite the mob… eight people.”

Wheels of fortune

KEEN amateur historian Nancy Burns says: “The bloke who invented the ferris wheel never met the chap who invented the merry-go-round. They just travelled in different circles.”

Read more: Meme of the Day