Die Hard double
WE were sad to hear that Bruce Willis is retiring from superstardom, after it was revealed that he is suffering from aphasia, which makes it difficult to process language.
Bruce’s Die Hard films are many action fans favourite blockbusters, with Bruce playing super-macho John McClane.
Author of the first movie, Jeb Stuart, picked McClane as a powerful Scottish surname, based on his own Celtic heritage.
The Diary has spotted another clue that McClane is a true Scot. His similarity to that other mythical hero of Celtic folklore, Rab C. Nesbitt.
For neither John nor Rab could ever be beaten.
And both men were at their most indestructible when only wearing a grubby vest.
Where’s wallet?
AN intrigued Martin Morrison from Lochinver received an email from Amazon this week offering the tantalising opportunity to be the proud owner of a camouflage wallet.
Which sounds like a wonderfully clever invention, though we do see both its upside and downside, especially if Martin mislays the pesky thing…
Upside: A dodgy thief will never find Martin’s wallet.
Downside: Martin will never find Martin’s wallet.
Ignorance X 3
ON a bus in Edinburgh city centre, reader Paul Thornton overheard two student-types chatting animatedly.
Said one to the other: “The thing is, we don’t know what we don’t know.”
“Wow,” said the other scholar: “I didn’t know that.”
Musical mix-up
WHEN reader Ken Gardner strolled into a record shop, the sales assistant said: “Good morning.”
“You too,” replied Ken.
“Third aisle on the right,” said the sales assistant.
Highs and lows
WE recently mentioned the skimpy attire worn by many of the actresses at this year’s Academy Awards. Retired Labour MP Sir Brian Donohoe’s secretary informed him that when it comes to daring debutants discarding 90% of their eveningwear, Newcastle takes some beating.
Or as Brian’s secretary memorably described it, Geordie gals prefer dental floss to clothing.
Elucidating further, Brian says: “As low as possible, and at the same time as high as possible.”
Brought to book
RELAXING in a Glasgow watering hole recently, reader Jenny Clayton overheard a chap attempting to woo his lady-friend in a shady corner of the bar.
Leaning close to her, the fellow whispered: “You’re being very rumbunctious.”
The woman, managing not to swoon, merely said: “You’re really pulling out all the vocab stops, tonight. You having an affair with a thesaurus?”
Terrible till entanglement
“I’M desperate to buy one of those grocery checkout dividers,” admits reader Linda Johnson. “But the woman behind the till keeps putting it back.”
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