A TALE that underlines the electorate’s profound admiration for the political class. John Macnab, from Ayrshire, was told of a conversation that took place in Glasgow between two political canvassers and a chap on the doorstep.

“Can we rely on your vote in the forthcoming local election?" asked one canvasser.

"I'm a postal voter,” explained the chap. “I gave you my number two vote."

The pleased canvasser said: “We’re so glad that when you cast your second vote, you thought of our party."

"Don't mention it,” said the chap on the doorstep. “When I think of your party, I always think of number twos."

Batman returns

A DIARY tale about those ancient days when you could rent a contraption called a video from an establishment known as Blockbuster reminds Bill Cassidy of strolling into one of their branches and enquiring if he could rent the movie Batman Forever.

“Sorry,” said the sales assistant. “You’ll need to return it tomorrow.”

Train of thought

AMUSED Alastair Patrick, from Paisley, overheard the following words of wisdom on a train from Glasgow Central to Paisley.

Said one passenger to another: “Just remember, that even if a bear has got socks and shoes on, it’s still got bear feet.”

Status? Quo

MADCAP malapropisms, continued. Jim McGovern recalls a labour dispute in a workplace in Dundee. Management were of the opinion that the bonus targets were too easy to attain and should be raised.

The union chappies insisted they were too high, and should be lowered.

After numerous meetings, both sides agreed that no progress was being made and the targets should remain unchanged.

A mass meeting of the workforce was called and the senior union rep commenced his speech to the gathered throng by proclaiming: “Well lads, we didn’t gain anything. But we didn’t concede anything, either. So the good news is, it’s quo vadis.”

Mouthing off

WE mentioned that face masks have become fashion accessories for trendsetting teens. Rab Neilson informs us they are known in some circles as ‘chin diapers’.

Our reader adds: “They should be compulsory in Parliament, considering the substance that flows from our politicians’ mouths.”

Dinosaur drive

NOTICING that the Highway Code is being updated to allow watching movies in self-driving cars, Scottish radio DJ Greigsy says he would sit back to enjoy either A Fish Called Honda or Jurassic Parking.

Playing at politics

“I WANTED to vote for better slides in parks in the local election,” says reader Fergus Borthwick. “Unfortunately I’m in a swing constituency.”