Relatively speaking

KATE Bush returned to the top of the music charts recently, decades after she had her first number one with Wuthering Heights.

She’s released many memorable songs in the interim, including Babooshka in 1980, which used to confuse reader Debbie Moore’s boyfriend of the time, whose ancestors hailed from Eastern Europe.

When ever the ditty was played on TV or radio, he’d say: “Why does that screechy-voiced lady keep singing about my grandma?”

Mad ad

A DIARY yarn about a confusing advert reminds Jim Gracie from Sanquhar of a billboard he spotted outside a cafe in Scarborough in the 1990s. It read: "All day breakfasts served between 7.30 am and noon."

Colour = Cacophony

MORE musical musings. Ed Sheeran played Hampden at the weekend and the eardrums of Glasgow are still recovering. The consensus is that this was the LOUDEST concert heard in these parts for a (very) long time.

Comedian and author David Bratchpiece claims to know why… “My theory is it’s because he's ginger,” says David. “A section of society that are largely ignored in their youth and must overcompensate if the opportunity of a stadium PA arises.”

Raw food diet

ENJOYING an early morning paddle, Barrie Crawford was informed by a lady who also uses the local swimming pool that her nieces had invited her to a Diana Ross show in Glasgow.

“And,” she added. “They’re taking me to a strip joint before the concert.”

Our reader was intrigued, with the lady admitting she had been surprised, too.

Alas, there had been a mix-up. It transpired that she was merely being taken to a steak restaurant before the gig.

Grill fiend

YOUNG whippersnapper journalists are shaming older hacks with their topical references. Fresh-faced West Lothian Courier scribbler Liam Smillie proves he knows what is relevant in current affairs by reporting on social media: “Burger King opened in Wishaw today– won’t be long until we get a Waitrose – take that, Thatcher.”

Mind your language

CONSIDERATE Diary correspondent Charlie Goddard made his wife breakfast in bed the other day.

His delighted missus said "That was delicious, and what a lovely cuppa."

To which Charlie replied: "Yes, that’s my special tea."

(10-out-of-10for kindness, Charlie. Zero-out-of-10 for the excruciating pun.)

Winning ways

FIERCELY competitive Diary correspondent Rhona Parker says: “My husband and I made a bet to see who can buy the most stuff from our local pet shop.”

With a great deal of pride, Rhona adds: “I’ve just taken the lead.”

Read more: Glasgow traveller left in the dark over bus destination