Going, going… cone
WE recently mentioned some horrifying news from Glasgow, where the Duke of Wellington statue outside the Gallery of Modern Art was spotted without his rightful adornment of a splendiferous traffic cone hat.
This has caused the traumatised citizens of the Dear Green Place to weep and wail like members of a Native American tribe whose totem pole has been burned to the ground by fiendish European settlers.
Though one Glesga wag has managed to see the positive side of Wellington without a traffic cone above his brow, writing on social media: “Does this mean it's okay to park up there now?”
Info dump
WE are deep into the blissful Scottish summer now, which means it rains on and off rather than on and on. Meanwhile local broadcaster Amber Zoe is a little behind the times, seasonally speaking, for she has decided to undertake some spring cleaning.
Though not around the house, but on her computer.
“I have just deleted 13,000 emails,” she announces triumphantly. “And I actually feel lighter.”
Money matters
THESE are financially parlous times, with the economy as wobbly as a hippopotamus attempting to balance on top of a lime jelly. (We could have said strawberry jelly, but that would just be silly.)
Anyway, back to the precarious financial situation…
Reader Elaine Anderson demands a more equitable distribution of resources, adding: “I don’t think it’s fair that only one company gets to make the board game Monopoly.”
Unique uni course
ACADEMICALLY-INCLINED reader Gordon McRae has decided to devise alternative definitions for various "ologies".
For example, he believes that archaeology would be much more interesting if it involved the study of arches.
By royal command
THE Queen is nearing that age where she will have to send a telegraph to herself, though it’s also true that she is increasingly frail. Which leads concerned reader Derek Service to wonder if she will soon need to use a nobility scooter…
Dead reckoning
WALKING his dog, Stewart Burgess from Lenzie got chatting to a senior citizen well into his eighties. Stewart asked how the elderly chap was feeling.
"I’m just glad that when I wake up in the morning I’m not touching wid,” he replied.
“Ironically he was on his way to the bowling green,” adds Stewart.
(Though at least the wid he’d be touching there wouldn’t have six feet of hard-packed earth loaded on top…)
Noshing nixed
A FRIEND of reader Andy Penny has a vegetable patch. “It stops him craving carrots all day long,” explains Andy.
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