THE Diary was sad to hear of the death of Andy Goram, a truly inspirational cricketer for Scotland, also remembered for his aptitude between the sticks on the footie field.

What is less well known is that Andy had a sophisticated tactical knowledge when it came to the beautiful game.

He was once asked by the broadcaster David Tanner what style of play should be implemented by a new Rangers manager.

Andy’s thoughtful reply was: “Just ****in’ win.”

A stratagem that is sadly often overlooked in the modern game.

Rhyme time

POURING hot fudge sauce on top of vanilla ice cream enhances the sense of indulgence. In much the same way, drizzling a little bit of highfalutin culture over the Diary transforms this page into a tasty sundae, even though it’s actually Monday. (Or should that be Mondae?)

With this in mind, we bring you a few lines of verse from Bishopbriggs poet Larry Cheyne, who also has a side-line as a political commentator…

There was a PM called Boris

Of very questionable mores

He stood by his chums

Even though they were bums

But now he must know where the door is.

Airy pursuits

CONTINUING in a cultural vein… We recently opened a Diary Book Nook, where readers can share their love of literature, though some have admitted they prefer non-fiction.

Gordon Campbell, from Crieff, Perthshire, informs us of a scientific book that analyses the combustible qualities of the emissions from cattle.

The tome’s esteemed author is Professor R. Signition.

Never the Twain

TEACHING English in a Glasgow south side school in the 1990s, Helen Roberts decided to introduce her young charges to the wonders of American literature. After she mentioned Tom Sawyer author Mark Twain, one scholar thrust an eager hand in the air, then asked: “Wis he married to Shania, miss?”

Lost and… found?

A RECENT Herald article related the unfortunate incident of a woman who lost her baggage on a flight from Edinburgh to London. The company handling the luggage for BA explained it is looking into the case.

“Why, then, are they not just returning it to her?” asks an exasperated George Dale, from Beith, Ayrshire.

Silly science

WE’RE devising alternative definitions for ‘ologies’ to be studied at our leading universities. Russell Smith, from Largs, reveals that pathology is the study of trails or tracks.

Star too far

PROUD reader Gareth Sinclair gets in touch to tell us: “My wife often compares me to George Clooney. She'll say, ‘You're nothing like George Clooney.’"